The dinosaurs have been dead for a very, very long time but some part of us remains terrified that one day, somehow, they’ll return to take their revenge on the up-jumped apes who supplanted them. It’s why we have to conjure up dino/human thrillers like Jurassic Park, why we have to make fun of their big noses, and, most recently, why we have a very expensive iPhone that lets people carry fragments of real Tyrannosaurus rex teeth in their pockets.
The “Tyrannophone” is an iPhone 13 Pro modification with a picture of a menacing T-rex on the case. It sets itself apart from looking like a sweet 1990s lunchbox by the fact that it costs $8,610 (for the base model) and contains a piece of actual Tyrannosaurus tooth in its design.
The T-rex pictured on the case is conspicuously unfeathered, probably to make sure that nobody using this phone is mistaken for having a luxury phone with a big chicken on it.
The device is obviously aimed at self-possessed business dorks, as evidenced by a description that tells us “Caviar designers give you the opportunity to ‘tame’ this ancient monster and make it a symbol of your strength, power, and dominance in the world.” The “3D image of a dinosaur head” on the case is also, we’re told, meant to “[strike] fear into the hearts of your competitors with a gaze of its yellow eye, made of pure amber.”
The phone’s part of a larger collection called “Tera,” which the site copy points out means “marvel, monster” in ancient Greek and contains other stuff like a super gaudy “Monsterphone” with claw marks on it. There are only seven Tyrannophones up for sale, which means they might as well be sold out already.
Hopefully one of the buyers uses the amber on the case to extract the DNA necessary to produce more of these devices, which can then break free of their paddocks and run rampant in a deserted theme park.
Send Great Job, Internet tips to email@example.com