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Stop what you're doing and experience the horror of David Lynch Teaches Typing

Screenshot: Rhino Stew (David Lynch Teaches Typing)

Anyone who’s read an interview with David Lynch knows that he’d pretty much love to talk about anything but his films. Despite being one of the greatest filmmakers of this generation, the man is also a prolific painter, musician, and woodworker, as well as a distributor of some damn fine coffee and beer. It’s not too far-fetched, then, to believe that once upon a time he took it upon himself to teach the computer illiterate to type.

That’s the premise of David Lynch Teaches Typing, a new game from Rhino Stew Productions, which finds the master of the uncanny guiding you through some basic typing exercises that trigger some very Lynchian shit to happen. Creator Luke Palmer offers a pitch-perfect Lynch impression to the game, emulating the director’s blaring bellow as he aggressively congratulates you for pressing the “F” key when he tells you to.

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Like most Lynch films, the proceedings begin innocently enough. “By the time you finish this computer program, you will be a typing wizard,” Lynch promises as you flex your fingers. “We’re doing beautiful work here!” he exclaims when you press the “J” key. But, after a break in which Lynch encourages you to have a smoke, the commands become a touch stranger. Soon, you might feel like you’re in a skyscraper, tasked with watching an empty glass box.

Download it here. Play it alone. And, as one should always remember when watching Lynch, be patient.

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About the author

Randall Colburn

Randall Colburn is The A.V. Club's Internet Culture Editor. He lives in Chicago, occasionally writes plays, and was a talking head in Best Worst Movie, the documentary about Troll 2.