Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Danceolution Finally Rhumbas The Shark

For centuries, humans have used dance as a form of communication–moving their bodies to say what words cannot fully express, like "I am stepping it up to the streets," "Mom and Dad, the resort dance instructor and I are having an affair," and "I am driving a car."

But thus far in the history of human existence, dance has never been used to communicate the message, "My country's dancing is far superior to your country's dancing. Also, Michael Flatley is here." Unfortunately, thanks to NBC's bombastic attempt to join the danceolution, Superstars Of Dance, now it has:

You can't see him, but Michael Flatley is right offstage during all the performances, resplendent in his special gilded Lord Of The Dance pirate shirt, yelling, "Where are the smoke machines?! We need more smoke machines!" and "You call that a glitter shower? I want to see a glitter tsunami, people. Make the dance shine!!"


On the bright side, Superstars Of Dance could be the show that finally kills the Dancing With The How She Move 2 The So You Think You Can Step Up Streets trend. Alternatively, it could fuel that trend even further, spawning a wave of broken fingers amongst people who try to drunkenly imitate mid-dance knuckle stands. Basically, as terrible as this show is, it's a win-win.

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