Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

This Week In Terrifying Hybrids

1. Cliche of a bad female comedian + Midol + description of a prolapsed uterus = Midol Comedy Ads

I'm willing to believe that there are other people in this world—I've even seen some of them loitering around in my peripheral vision—and that these other people might have senses of humor that differ from my own. They might consider Jeff Dunham, for instance, a hilarious comedian instead of rubber cement poured directly on the brain. They might love Larry The Cable Guy, and consider buying Nutrisystem from him—but only after he confirms his identity by exhaling, "Git R Dun." They might think it's necessary to buy, say, Bride Wars on Blu-Ray, because the funny spray-tan-mishap scene will look that much sharper. But I refuse to believe that anyone, anywhere, who has been alive on this planet for longer than 14 years would find "You think you're sick? My uterus is falling out!!" anything other than groan-inducing.  (Incidentally, to the woman above: That's called uterine prolapse. You might want to get it checked out.)


Thanks, Midol, for confirming that there are still hack female comedians doing "So I had my period the other day," and "Ow! My fallopian tubes." humor out there. At least that kind of terrible Midol humor is now being used to sell Midol.

2. The More You Know - More - Knowledge + The Miss California USA organization = This PSA

All those sleepless nights you've tossed and turned wondering if Shandi, the former Miss USA who now pretends that the keyboard she's using is connected to something on re-runs of Lingo, believes in love can finally, mercifully come to an end: She does. Also, apparently the former Miss Californias of the world occasionally gather in an echoing white purgatory to re-confirm their belief system (Do believe in love, beauty of California, the word "respect." Don't believe in making sense, logic, giant tapeworms.)  Now go to sleep.

What a weird, ineffectual stab at damage control, Miss California USA. Next maybe you could work on making the name of your important, PSA-making organization sound more like an actual organization, and less like the poorly translated packaging of a Barbie doll knock-off imported from China.

3. Sugar + Chocolate Syrup + Half a can of immobile whipped cream + So many accents = McDonald's McCafe ads

Even though every use of that exaggerated accent feels like a tiny, razor-sharp ninja star hurled down my ear canal, you have to hand it to McDonald's: No one knows how to market to children better than they do. Because that's obviously who these drinks are for, right? Adults who drink coffee don't generally ask for it with a 5-inch head of immobile whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top, because they're grown-ups who, presumably, have dignity and want to be able to taste the coffee in their coffee, right? But how do you get kids interested in coffee? Call it "McCafe" and make it look like a melted sundae with a straw. Good work, everyone.