Guy 1: Oh man. You won't believe this: Madonna is totally having an affair with someone!

Guy 2: Who's Madonna again?

Guy 1: Burn! Naw, seriously, brah. I know Madonna is so boring she needs Justin Timberlake just to seem interesting, but guess who she's having an affair with?

Guy 2: My indifference? Mario Lopez? My indifference in the shape of Mario Lopez?

Guy 1: No, man. A-Rod!

Guy 2: The baseball player? Hey, I watch baseball! This just got exciting.

Guy 1: I know! I mean, a baseball player having an affair? How often does that happen?

Guy 2: For reals. Normally, I would consider Madonna to be about as fascinating as a lichen, and A-Rod no more interesting than a protracted discussion of textured wallpaper. But put them both together, lichen plus protracted discussion of wallpaper, and you've got a hell of a sizzling summer scandal! You know what this means?

Guy 1: I'm warming up the color printer right now.

Guy 2: We should put them in clear plastic sleeves, too. In case of rain.

Guy 1: Oh, Aaaaaaa-rod! It's your friend Maaaaadonnnnna! Whom you're having an affair of the heeeeeeaaart with!

Guy 2: Man, I hope the media never stops covering this dead, dead story. Baseball hasn't been this fun in a while!