Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

American Idol: Miami Audition

Illustration for article titled American Idol: Miami Audition

I had high hopes for tonight's episode for two reasons. One: Miami was likely to be entertaining, with plenty of hot chicks, bitchy queens and over-the-top divas. Two: I was under the impression that this was the last week of auditions. Well, one out of two ain't bad.

I have to admit that I was going off some stereotypes I had about the city of Miami, so the talent wasn't quite what I expected (except for the proliferation of good-looking women.) For instance, there was plenty of sadness to go around from people like Suzanne, the single mother, and Syesha, who convinced her father to talk about his brand-spanking-new sobriety on national television. I don't know who has more pressure on them–if Syesha doesn't make it to the finals, is Dad going to fall off the wagon? And if she does, is the pressure of being famously proud and clean going to get to him?

Stereotypically hot chicks are boring, however. Idol made its fat joke about Corliss and Brittany ("certainly enough to go around"), but those gals had infectious personalities and provided the first singalong part of the show. They were fun.

Not fun? Brandon Black, whose audition probably would have been hilarious for racist audiences on the vaudeville circuit.

In terms of hall of shame material though, nobody could hold a candle to Julie, the girl who appeared on American Juniors, Simon's favoritest show of all time. What a little shithead. You know you have an attitude problem when Paula Abdul can perk up long enough to comment on it. First the girl sang like Britney Spears, then, she demonstrated that she's an idiot, and she topped it off with singing over the judges' talking. The cruelty of the producers' playing her triumphant Juniors routine while she bitched about the unfairness of it all was quite delicious.

Join us next week in Atlanta, and perhaps we'll get to Hollywood week sometime in April.

Grade: B

Stray observations:

—For some reason it really bugs me when Randy uses the words "throwback" or "old school" whenever someone sings a song that's over 30 years old.

—I want Ramiele (the pint-sized Filipino-American girl) to bring her father along to Hollywood.

—Who here has ever referred to Silly String as "Fiesta String"? Or was that Ryan's way of trying to fit in in Miami?