Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

America's Next Top Model: "The Models Go Green"

Illustration for article titled America's Next Top Model: "The Models Go Green"
Illustration for article titled America's Next Top Model: "The Models Go Green"

Hey, did everyone know that this season, ahem, excuse me, cycle of America's Next Top Model is the green season/cycle? No? Well, that was just one of the many PSAs Tyra seamlessly wove into the biodegradable fabric that was this episode. Others included: smoking is bad—so bad that it will eventually make you look like a cheap Halloween costume; a biodiesel jungle limo bus is the perfect way to reduce your carbon footprint; you don't have to hoochify yourself to be beautiful; and, being a model is about more than just being pretty.

They are important lessons all, to be sure. But the most important lesson to be gleaned from this episode, at least for future ANTM contestants, was: laughing at the ridiculousness that is the ANTM photo shoot challenges is not allowed. Those who laugh at being dressed up like the world's only chemotherapy patient who strongly resembles a cross between Daddy Warbucks and Yahoo Serious, say, will be swiftly eliminated. At least, that's the only reason I could find for the judges kicking off Super-Happy Mila–which is a shame, because I got the feeling she was very close to hyperventilating out of sheer cheerfulness, and that would have been fun to watch.

Of course, there were other girls who had trouble at the This Is Your Reflection On Smoking photo shoot—Bitch-But-For-A-Reason Ebony wasn't able to give life to her collapsed lung, for instance, and What's-Her-Name Kitty-Cat-Waxer was forgettable—but unsanctioned laughter is unforgiveable on ANTM.

As for the rest of the episode, there wasn't much, save for the requisite ho-hum bickering, jumping on beds, and excitement over the various Tyra photos hung all over the girls' new house. Still, patterns are beginning to emerge. For one, most of the models find Heather weird, which should only be read as a compliment to Heather. (At one point, she said, "I hope I get along with the other girls." And all I could think was, "Why, Heather?")

Another pattern? Long-faced Victoria can't stop mentioning the fact that she goes to Yale, so much so that I now expect every sentence out of her mouth to end with "and I go to Yale." Apparently, this is her strategy. "That whole world—it's so high school to me…and I go to Yale." "I'm soft-spoken, but I'm not shy…and I go to Yale." "[blank stare]…and I go to Yale." I'm now instituting a Victoria Yale Mention Count. Technically, she only said it twice this episode, but I feel like pretty soon she'll be able to say "YALE" with only her eyes—just like a real model.

Grade: B

Stray Observations:

—So, the "fashion district" in LA is a mall? Or was that an airport?

—When Ms. Jay announced the girl's styling lesson, it was the only time in recorded history that anyone has ever clapped and cheered about going to Old Navy.

—Chantal to Heather about Asperger's: "Do you see the world differently from, like, me?" God, I hope so.

—At judging, Ms. Jay's hair was very chic. Like "It's Pat!" chic.

—Did anyone else see not-a-stripper Lisa slip and fall into the pool?