Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Baseball is a force that gives us meaning

Illustration for article titled Baseball is a force that gives us meaning

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Thursday, October 24. All times are Eastern.


World Series, Game 2: Cardinals at Red Sox (Fox, 7:30 p.m.): Occasionally, when the sun is in Scorpio, we here at What’s On Tonight grudgingly yield our Fox Thursday programming for a full four hours of America’s national pastime, “ball that runs around bases.” This matchup echoes the 2004 World Series, back when the Red Sox were still cursed and the sun rose in the east. We like to think of baseball as just another television show, just way more boring, and with a terrible gender problem—no women at all! Buy some peanuts and cracker jacks, kids. Live a little.

Once Upon A Time In Wonderland (ABC, 8 p.m.): Robin Hood’s gang member Will Scarlet makes an appearance in this episode, as does a villain named Bandersnatch who goes after our heroine Alice. Zack Handlen is shocked to discover this Bandersnatch is not being played by Benedict Cumberbatch.

The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.): Oliver Sava has found this season of The Big Bang Theory to be a pretty solid one, so far. Tonight in “The Romance Resonance” a few grand gestures of love are made left and right, while Sheldon makes an important scientific breakthrough and then tries to determine if this is going to haunt his career. Romance and soul-searching! This show has changed.

The Vampire Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.): The thing is, we would love to tell you what happens in tonight’s episode, “For Whom The Bell Tolls,” but it’s really quite difficult to parse when the two-line synopsis is mostly “[proper noun] [present tense verb] [infinitve phrase indicating the futility of said verb OR infinite phrase alluding to mysterious future events].” For example, “Matt tries to figure out what’s behind his mysterious blackouts.” Meanwhile, Carrie Raisler writes to make us look bad.

Reign (The CW, 9 p.m.): The renaissance teen soap opera continues. Mary and Francis have to pretend to be into each other to impress an English envoy. Faking romance is most of what being royal is about, as far as Caroline Framke can tell.

The Michael J. Fox Show (NBC, 9 p.m.): Mike apologizes to a complete stranger when Annie loses her temper in public, forcing the couple to enter an awkward conversation about whether or not they’re on the same team. Robert David Sullivan would like you to know that he considers this review not his, but ours.


White Collar (USA, 9 p.m.): It looks more and more like Mozzie is guilty of some crime or another—this week, Neal finds evidence that Mozzie is tied to an online black market. Kenny Herzog is not tied to an online black market, but he is tied to an online black-market television publication.

Elementary (CBS, 10 p.m.): Watson is trying to track down a mystery man who ensorcelled her, while Holmes infiltrates the Polish mob. We briefly thought that was polish mob, and then we were trying to think about how polishers of some sort might get into a riotous, violent mob, and start breaking down buildings. Or scuffing things on purpose, which Myles McNutt feels is way worse.


Scandal (ABC, 10 p.m.): Mellie gets caught up in a mini-scandal of her own tonight, which hopefully is a vast improvement over the baffling suicide-bomber episode last week. Of course, that will be tempered by Olivia choosing to represent a congressman that is sending dick pics of himself to his unsuspecting Twitter followers. Sonia Saraiya is almost certain she’s heard this story before.

Parenthood (NBC, 10 p.m.): So, the only description for this episode is that “boundaries are an issue for several family members,” which is making us a little panicky. Todd VanDerWerff is positively verflempt.


Childrens Hospital (Adult Swim, 12 a.m.): In this special half-hour season finale event, the team takes a trip to Japan, with surprising results. David Sims went to Japan once. It was nice. He ate some ice cream, and took a nice stroll.

Gilmore Girls (1 p.m.): It’s Lorelai’s birthday, so Rory is planning a surprise. You know, David Sims, every episode of Gilmore Girls sounds like it’s going to make us cry.


Sean Saves The World (NBC, 9 p.m.): Sean takes a page from The Millers when his cranky father comes to visit. He takes out his irritation with his father on his employees. NBC moved Parks And Recreation to the spring to try to prop up this?!


Alaska Gold Diggers (Animal Planet, 8 p.m.): The women need to find another set of miners, so they travel to faraway, fair, and fantastic Fairbanks, Alaska. Expect mystery and intrigue. Also, why is this show on Animal Planet?

The Crazy Ones (CBS, 9 p.m.): “A cosmopolitan client excites the staff and they get competitive about impressing her, but then things take a sexual turn and the coworkers realize they know too much info about each other.” Robin Williams, Sarah Michelle Gellar star a father-daughter team.


Chopped (Food Network, 9 p.m.): In a circus-themed challenge, the chefs try to do something new and interesting with cotton candy, corn dogs, and nachos. Sounds like every day in the What’s On Tonight offices.

Antiques Roadshow (PBS, 10 p.m.): This repeat of the 15th season opener puts the show in Miami Beach, investigating a vintage movie poster and a George Ohr vase. Oh, and an apparently original Alexander Calder mobile valued at up to $1 million.


A League Of Their Own (CMT, 8 p.m.): Fortunately, if you don’t want to watch “real” baseball, there’s “pretend” baseball on CMT, starring Geena Davis, Lori Petty, Madonna, Rosie O’Donnell, and Tom Hanks as the one guy in this movie who really wanted to watch the actual World Series, thank you very much.

CNN Films: Blackfish (CNN, 9 p.m.): This critically acclaimed documentary about orcas in captivity premiered at Sundance. Now it’s making its television debut on CNN. It’s harrowing stuff, but will it really make you stop going to Sea World to buy their Shamu-shaped ice-cream pops? Yeah, we didn’t think so.


It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia and The League (Wednesday): Last night, both Sunny and The League had mysteriously Flowers For Algernon-themed episodes: “Flowers For Charlie” and “Flowers For Taco.” Coincidence? We think not. Dennis Perkins and Pilot Viruet investigate, bearing flowers and a thirst for the truth.