Hot Pockets sales are on the decline

By Katie Rife | October 24, 2014 | 7:42pm

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Despite Snoop Dogg’s best efforts, Hot Pockets sales have reportedly taken a significant hit in 2014. Bloomberg Business News depressingly points to a reduction in federal food-stamp assistance as the reason for the decline, poor people being conditioned to eating shitty processed things by food deserts and dollar menus and whatnot. (The association of the brand with the phrase “diseased and unsound animals,” as well as its lack of representation under the #foodporn hashtag, have also presumably contributed to the downturn.)

But Grubstreet names another culprit—Jim Gaffigan’s famous stand-up routine mocking Hot Pockets. The self-proclaimed “pasty” comedian has become inextricably linked with the alternately frosty and molten snack, to the extent that many of the search results for “Hot Pockets” on Twitter are actually about Jim Gaffigan. The end of Hot Pockets could also mean the end of Jim Gaffigan, so do your duty, Internet, and burn your mouth on a Hot Pocket today, because making fun of Double Downs and Olive Garden is already taken.