The US men’s curling team’s gold medal victory was one of the more inspiring stories of the 2018 Winter Olympics. Something about seeing five guys who wouldn’t look out of place splitting a pitcher of beer at a bowling alley sweep their way to being the best in the world just warms your heart. It’s only a matter of time before these men’s harrowing tale of athleticism gets made into an award-worthy biopic on par with Miracle and I, Tonya. Luckily, esteemed actor and world-renowned scotch drinker Nick Offerman has already offered to take up the role he was born to play: Mustachioed Wisconsinite Matt Hamilton.
Initially, Twitter user Mitchell Garrett humbly offered to portray Hamilton and posted a picture of his own similarly groomed cookie duster to prove he could handle the part. But Garrett confessed he only volunteered for the role assuming Nick Offerman had passed on it. Once word got back to Offerman, he responded with a tweet that can only be read in Ron Swanson’s voice.
Knowing a good competition when he sees one, Hamilton himself jumped into the fray saying, “Garret has a great stache, but Nick Offerman has the experience. The real test is how well you both do on the ice.” Presumably, the experience he’s referring to is acting experience, unless Nick Offerman has a history of intramural curling that we’re unaware of.
Again, Offerman responded with pure, triple-distilled bravado, employing the hashtag “#BornToBroom.” Hamilton seemed satisfied and told the actor he “may just have the job then,” because, as we all know, the subject of the biopic always gets to choose which actor portrays them. Now we just have to figure out which members of the Parks And Recreation cast will fill out the rest of the team.
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