Readers uncover the fake secrets of the White Man Can’t Jump video game

Duped
This week, we put together an Inventory that highlighted some of the stranger playable guest characters from the world of video games. One of the Inventory entries pointed out Bill Clinton’s spot in the original NBA Jam. useless beauty used this as an opportunity to drop a reference to some of the weird lingo from the old White Men Can’t Jump video game (lines that were made famous in an Electronic Gaming Monthly article by Seanbaby):
Bill Clinton is banging it up high on the handle n kickin it downstreet on the flip flop timepants!
Although he does know where to get some tang around here.
This prompted Ghaleon Q to share one of the ridiculous team biographies from the White Men Can’t Jump game, which describes a supposed infant team you can find on the court:
Baby Einsteins
Leibniz, Newton and Planck are three super-smart babies with attitudes. They’ve been hustling the courts for years to pay for their Ph.D. programs, but when Cal Tech starts charging extra in an effort to get the babies to drop out, they have to supplement their street cash with new jobs as cable technicians. With their astronomical IQs, cable installation is a breeze and these babies are raking in the cash in no time, until one day when they show up for a routine upgrade at a mafia kingpin’s pad and witness a murder. Can these brainy infants untangle the web of lies and accusations? Or will the mafia make sure that their VCR clock hits double zero?
Good God.
Unfortunately for Ghaleon, who I’m guessing got that passage from the White Men Can’t Jump Wikipedia page, it appears that several of the more egregious team bios on that page are completely made up. Atari Age has preserved the text from the White Men Can’t Jump instruction manual, and the three most bizarre teams listed on the Wikipedia page—Baby Einsteins, Standards And Practices, and The Icey Icey H.A.C.K.E.R.S.—are nowhere to be seen. That’s right: It’s a distinct possibility that someone has gone out of their way to elaborately vandalize the Wikipedia page of White Men Can’t Jump, the video game. Sure, maybe the dubious teams are really a secret buried deep within the game, and one intrepid Wikipedia editor just happens to have the scoop. Judging by the Wikipedia biography listed for the team “Standards And Practices,” I’m guessing that’s not the case: