“It’s about degrees of winning,” Nigel said tonight, right before he told Diana that she had not, in fact, won a spot in the top 20. It’s a nice sentiment, and certainly true to an extent—no one could get this far in the audition and not claim it as some sort of success—but the fact of the matter is, at this point, it’s all or nothing, win or lose, stay or go home.
And nowhere was that fact clearer or more brutal than in the heartbreaking climax (that we all saw coming) with the brothers Kasprzak. (I hope I’m spelling that right.) I can’t have been the only one wheedling with Nigel in my mind, “Come on, Lord Featherhead, you can make it 21 this year! Just this once!” But, as is so often the case on SYTYCD, the judges were right: There’s probably not room for two old-fashioned, “burlesque-style” dancers in the competition. Although I suspect that there was a little more to the decision to pick Evan over the seemingly more talented (at least in terms of choreography) Ryan than was let on: His fears of being “too short, too fat, too bald” aside, I think what may have sunk the older brother is that he looked a little, well, old. Which fucking sucks, because they’re both adorable and talented and incredibly supportive of each other. But at least we can be assured that if Evan goes far enough in the competition, we’ll be seeing Ryan cheering him on from the audience, because he is with him every step—sniff—that he—sob—dances…. (*Genevieve runs crying from the room*)
Damn you SYTYCD and your uncanny ability to manipulate my emotions. You sure do know how to milk reality-competition conventions for all they’re worth.
Sniff. Okay. Moving on. Let’s introduce our top 20, bullet-style, shall we?
• Jeanette: Last seen nearly kicking her partner in the face in Miami with that insane flip-kick-split thing. She fell off our radar in Las Vegas, but clearly not the judges’.
• Vitolio: Not sure why the producers were keeping this guy from us this whole time. Not only does he apparently have a lot of “personality” and “character”—meaning he yelled and mugged for the cameras a lot during auditions—but he lived in an orphanage in Haiti you guys! Haitian orphanage trumps dad with MS always. It's science. The judges say they haven’t seen much of his alleged personality—and outside of his weird “diarrhea moment” comment, neither have we—but hopefully he gets time to shine. His reaction to getting into the top 20 seemed really genuine and likable. Also, he seems to be one of those elusive “masculine dancers” Nigel likes so much.
• Kayla: Remember her sweet grandparents who made me cry? They must be so proud! And Mia said she liked her even though she was a girl.
• Kopono: Minus the weird hair and about seven syllables of his name. This kid clearly understands the “competition” aspect of this show: He refashioned and renamed himself to become more accessible, and even came up with a “bit” (it sounds cynical to call it that, but that’s what it was, you guys!) with a to-do list that ended with “Make the top 20.” Which he did. He apparently still hasn’t breathed yet, though.
• Brandon: Poor guy’s acceptance into the top 20 was tarnished by three of the judges basically saying, “We don’t think you should be here.” I thought Mia’s comments that he “annoys the shit out of me” and that he has a “fake smile” were interesting—sure, it seems incredibly mean from our end, but those comments speak to the sort of unquantifiable nuances that really only come out a) in person and b) over time. And even though she was a giant bitch about it—would we have it any other way from Emmy Award-Winning Mia Michaels?—I’m tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. Mia seems much more concerned with what’s just under the surface of people than, say, Mary, who was still all aflutter over Brandon and clearly appalled by Mia and Lil’ C’s critiques. Frankly, I’m shocked someone who seems so bland onscreen can be so divisive among the judges—though he handled the bludgeoning well, basically telling Mia and Lil’ C to bring it, bitches. We’ll see if he can back that up. If anything, I hope he stays around long enough for a showdown with Mia.