Because nothing says “Let’s have a fun night out at the theme park!” like having to worry that you’re permanently trapped in the “stomach” of a malevolent piece of architecture, being slowly digested while reliving the worst moments of your life, Universal has decided to set up a fun fall event based on Mike Flanagan’s The Haunting Of Hill House. Specifically, the Netflix series—hey, remember the Bent-Neck Lady? Remember not sleeping after the first time you saw the Bent-Neck Lady?—will serve as the basis for one of the park’s long-running Halloween Horror Nights, at both its Orlando and Hollywood locations.
Flanagan himself seems absolutely pleased about the plans, issuing a statement suggesting that Halloween Horror Nights are just his cup of (perfectly safe, probably) tea. “I have loved Halloween Horror Nights for so long,” Flanagan said, recalling happy nights of being horrified by (we’re assuming) being forced to confront decades’ worth of unresolved family trauma in the form of a teenager in a wolfman costume. Then he said, “We are so excited to visit the Red Room again—we hope to see you all there!” which is, like, a patently fucked up thing to hope.
(We are going to guess, meanwhile, that the above trailer for the event was not directed by horror master Mike Flanagan. Just a hunch.)
Anyway: If you would like to re-live your most cinematic nightmares of 2018, the Haunting Of Hill House mazes will be running at Universal Studios from early September through Halloween itself. (Of course, that’s if your current appetite for terror can stomach gathering with several thousand other human petri dishes in a confined space full of people breathing very hard, which, now that we think about it, is way spookier than any dumb red doors.)
All that being said: The Red Room decorations do admittedly look pretty dang cool, and there’s a part of us that would love to see this place in the awful, decaying flesh.