High on The A.V. Club’s list of the worst things on the internet in 2017 was “brands on Twitter.” That list was written with at least some sense of hope that perhaps in 2018 the bad things would be less bad, and perhaps even replaced with good things. Recent experience, however, tells us that in this modern era things get worse, not better, especially when it comes to being online. It is with that in mind we regret to inform you that Spike TV is being funny on Twitter.
For those of you not already aware and sitting shiva for The Guys Choice Awards, Spike TV tomorrow will officially rebrand to Paramount Net, in hopes of landing an audience that perhaps includes the other 50% of the human population. (Don’t worry, there will still be Bar Rescue.) This is an inevitable and probably wise decision to move on from a dated-from-day-one identity, the aesthetic of which is “a subscription to FHM magazine that comes with a free pair of wrap-around shades.” If you think, however, that Spike TV’s official Twitter account is going to take this lying down, well, you don’t know Spike TV’s carefully constructed online and social media engagement brand identity. To wit:
...And so on. If, for some unfathomable reason, you believed that this was an actual Spike TV employee losing their shit over being fired, instead of just a social media team doing a bit about the always-funny concept of people losing their jobs, worry not, because of course it wasn’t. To make this as clear as possible, via Entertainment Weekly, here’s (deep breath) Spike TV’s VP Of Fan Engagement And Editorial, Red Fabbri: “[the idea was to have] ...the fictional bro react like someone might in the modern workplace if they got handed a pink slip.” Fabbri continues, “He’s confronting an existential crisis, having a bit of a meltdown in public.”
Fabbri does not get into the details of why no one at this fictional representation of Spike TV thought to change the password to their Twitter account before firing an ethereal representation of their deposed brand, nor why they continued to let him tweet for six hours at regular intervals.
May the brands entertain us online forever.