Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Everyone knows that Abraham Lincoln was not an expertly trained martial artist who pulled double duty as our sixteenth president and a slayer of the undead, but what Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter asks is, “What if… he was?” Adapted from the monster mash-up novel from Seth Grahame-Smith, the forthcoming film from Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov and producer Tim Burton obviously gets fairly tongue-in-cheek with its alternate U.S. history—the kind the liberal-run schools are too afraid to teach you—but it's not like you’d necessarily know it from this teaser. It’s mostly a dialogue-free procession of slow-motion action shots of Honest Abe twirling his axe and shattering trees with single blows, all set to Johnny Cash’s spoken-word outro to “The Man Comes Around” (which horror movie producers are officially now banned from using ever again, seriously). Hopefully future previews will let a little more humor bleed through, as right now this kind of looks like Underworld: With A Stovepipe Hat.


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