Ann Coulter's Grateful Dead Sorority Mixer Memories

Ann Coulter, of progressive-stripping-via-book-cover fame, recently gave an interview to Jambands.com, about––what else?––her love of the Grateful Dead.

I'm not kidding. (You can read the entire interview

here.)

Apparently, Ms. Coulter was a Deadhead, or at least as close to a facsimilie of a Deadhead that the sisters of Delta Sig would allow:

I fondly remember seeing the Dead when I was at Cornell. It was the day of the fabulous Fiji Island party on the driveway "island" of the Phi Gamma Delta House. We'd cover ourselves in purple Crisco and drink purple Kool-Aid mixed with grain alcohol and dance on the front yard. Wait – I think got the order reversed there: We'd drink purple Kool-Aid mixed with grain alcohol and then cover ourselves in purple Crisco – then the dancing. You probably had to be there to grasp how utterly fantastic this was.

Sounds positively smashing, Ann. Really, just darling. The crazy things you co-eds do! Next thing, you'll tell me you wore different colored bobby socks and no slip to an open enrollment lecture!

Jesus. Leave it to Ann Coulter to make a Grateful Dead concert sound like an alternative to the Delta Mu spring formal after party. Also, "grain alcohol"? What are you, a Prohibition-era bootlegger? Just say Everclear.

Then there's this:

Somewhat contrary to the image of Deadheads as hippies, the Dead were huge in my hometown of New Canaan, CT, which is a pretty preppie town. We toyed with the idea of making "Truckin'" our prom song with a "Long Strange Trip" theme, but we ended up with some dorky rainbow theme instead. I tend to associate the Dead with lacrosse players and my favorite fraternities, Fiji and Theta Delt.

Ok, so here's what lives next door to the Grateful Dead in Ann Coulter's mind:

1. Cornell
2. Fiji and Theta Delt (Those are, like, seriously the best frats, guys. I can't argue with her. Go Greeks!)
3. Prom in New Canaan, CT
4. Lacrosse
5. Monica Lewinsky (see below)

My collection of Dead tapes, by the way, was the reason I heard one of the Linda Tripp tapes before Ken Starr did. Tripp's lawyer obviously needed to hear the tape before turning it over to the prosecutor, but he only had an old 1950's tape player and couldn't get it to work and Ken Starr wanted the tape the next morning. He was terrified he'd hit the wrong button and erase the evidence. In the wee hours of the morning, it occurred him, a Deadhead himself, that he knew one person in D.C. who definitely had a tape machine. So, at around 2 AM, he called me and asked to come over to use my tape deck.

So, see? Hilary was right. There is a vast right wing conspiracy, except it's mostly about conservatives trying to make the Dead sound as lame as fucking possible.