Awful Things The New Alvin & The Chipmunks Movie Is Responsible For:

1. This image.

How many times have you wondered aloud, "What would pure annoyance look like in CGI form?" Never? Well, apparently someone did. Truly, nothing says "Ugh. What is that? Get it away from me!" better than a trio of painfully detailed rodents dressed in disco wear underneath a nest of what appears to be unruly pubic hair. It's like visual itching powder: something obviously designed to irritate.

2. This website.

Finally, now you can figure out what you would look like as the terrifiyingly updated cartoon star of a completely unnecessary remake! (Spoiler alert: You look like a CGI chipmunk extra from Malibu's Most Wanted.)

Also, "munk yourself"? I guess making up idiotic promotional slang is harder than it looks. Oh wait, no it's not. What about "Get ready to get Alvinated!" Or "Chipsterize yourself"?

3. These dead eyes.


Underdog struck the first blow, but the Chipmunks hooked up the CGI hose that sucked the remainder of Jason Lee's humanity. There's no there there anymore. Zombies have more life behind their eyes. Now he has no choice but to act with his eyebrows.

4. This endorsement of Coprophagia

There are at least 500 other things you could do with your children that are better than letting them see this movie, including driving your children to the middle of nowhere and leaving them there. Why? See the teaser below:

Be warned: if you let your children see Alvin & The Chipmunks they will eat their own shit. Either that, or they will think that shit-eating jokes are really funny, which is almost worse.