Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Giuliani was only referencing the “documentary” Game Of Thrones when suggesting a trial by combat

Illustration for article titled Giuliani was only referencing the “documentary” Game Of Thrones when suggesting a trial by combat
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

Shortly before Trump cultists stormed the U.S. Capitol during a seditious mob attack that left five people dead last week, Rudy Giuliani egged them on only slightly less than Dear Leader Donald. “If we are wrong, we will be made fools of, but if we’re right, a lot of them will go to jail. So let’s have trial by combat,” he told the MAGA crowd shortly before they proceeded to basically do just that.


Giuliani, whose relationship with Trump has reportedly soured in recent days, clarified to The Hill’s Brett Samuels on Tuesday that his suggestion of a “trial by combat” last week wasn’t a clear (and subsequently heeded) call for deadly violence in the U.S. Capitol, but simply a reference to the famous docudrama, Game Of Thrones.

“I was referencing the kind of trial that took place for Tyrion in that very famous documentary about fictitious medieval England,” Giuliani rambled to Samuels. “When Tyrion, who is a very small man, is accused of murder. He didn’t commit murder, he can’t defend himself, and he hires a champion to defend him.”

...Christ. So, where do we even begin to unpack this?

Let’s start with Giuliani’s description of a “documentary about fictitious medieval England,” which, makes about as much sense as his previous references to My Cousin Vinny. Did he mean “mockumentary?” Even if that was true (which it almost certainly isn’t), that’s also not something anyone uses to describe George R.R. Martin’s series. “Mockumentary” would be more appropriate for a film like last year’s sequel to Borat sequel, which coincidentally features Rudy Giuliani maybe (probably) trying to fuck the Kazakhstani reporter’s fictional daughter. Moving on...

Giuliani then recounted something relatively accurately, for once: GOT’s trial by combat sequence. Yes, Tyrion—who is, indeed, a “very small man”—does hire a champion when accused of a murder he didn’t commit in the Season 4 episode, “The Mountain and the Viper.” But it’s not clear in this analogy who Tyrion, or his unfortunate champion, Oberyn Martell, represent. Is Tyrion supposed to be Trump? We’re positive Trump wouldn’t be a fan of that one, for very obvious, inane, and offensive reasons. Are MAGA cultists his Oberyn? They know what happened to that dude, right?

Yeesh. We’ll chalk this one up to a somewhat innocuous slip-of-the-tongue from a man trying to dig his way out of a grave as it rapidly floods with sewage from his own home’s faulty plumbing. Now there’s a metaphor for you, Rudy.


Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).