Becoming a viral sensation is no longer a sentence to minutes of internet ignominy followed by a lifetime of problematic Google-ability—it is now a career opportunity. This year’s biggest meme is the “cash me ousside, howbow dah” girl, a 13-year-old problem child named Danielle Peskowitz Bregoli who was paraded onto the show in normal Dr. Phil fashion to then be castigated by the host and chortled at by his audience. Transcendence arrived when Bregoli turned the daytime show into a meta examination of her own spectacle, calling out the audience for laughing at her. She also calls the audience “hos,” which they furrow their brows at.
While this did not immediately lead to fame—the episode aired last September—the shortened video of her shattering the audience’s fourth wall and threatening to also shatter their jaws eventually turned into a macro, which went all over the place, as such things do. While your everyday Chewbacca Moms might have just capped their experience with a visit to Ellen and a couple more attempts at viral humor, all leading up to the internet inevitably turning on them and clamoring for their blood, Bregoli has instead launched a full personal brand built upon snapping at motherfuckers and demanding they catch her outside, how about that. Here is baby’s first tweet:
She has also launched an Instagram, on which she shills for gold teeth and performs in meme-based skits. There is much rapping and counting of money. But she is also using it to sell her new official licensed merchandise, produced in conjunction with the marketing and apparel company Pizzaslime:
Let’s take a closer look. (Bregoli’s angry, indignant face is the background of the website, making all of the below images even more aggressive. Somehow, this helps to sell them.) On the lowest end of the cultural spectrum is this bold print shirt, which will tell all onlookers that you are a person who has consumed the internet recently:
It is also available in black with white lettering, and will probably age very well. A “Keep Calm And Carry On” variation similarly indicates to friends, family, and co-workers that you are capable of assimilating the popular imagery and iconography you observe in the world and passing it on in slightly modified form:
The Cashmeousside hoodie, available in black, white, or this striking yellow, seems to toy with the iconography of commercial culture, knowingly calling attention to the commodification of meme culture while still puckishly benefiting from Champion’s trademarked branding. It is 100 percent cotton.
Things get a little more interesting with the ceramic plate, which features a tasteful fading effect around the portrait of Bregoli as well as a gold rim around the edge, as if to say, “This is a moment we shall always remember. We choose to do so.” Its easel stand suggests display among other decorative plates, purchased perhaps to commemorate the time you visited Colonial Williamsburg.
But it’s the 50” x 60” “Yup A Blanket Ho” blanket that makes the strongest statement about this sentient meme, allowing customers to literally wrap themselves in an ephemeral piece of internet culture. Priced at $250, it also seems to call attention to its own status as a luxury object. It is not made “for” anyone, and yet here it is, available for purchase.
Bregoli is slated to return to Dr. Phil sometime soon, after which it will be officially time for the internet to turn on her. Hopefully she will be able to commoditize that, too.