In his upcoming movie, Fireproof, aka Backdraft 2: The Fire Is Coming From Inside Your Marriage, Kirk Cameron plays a firefighter struggling to find an appropriate confusing metaphor for his failing marriage. Or something.

It's good to see that Kirk Cameron's love of strange comparisons lives on.

See, a bad marriage is like a great, raging fire that must be extinguished with the high pressure hose of a book of love tips after it's been hooked up to the fire hydrant that is a father's advice, in order to give way to the cold, wet, grey ashes of a loving marriage.

But, also, marriage is like a pair of salt & pepper shakers that have been glued together for some reason, because if you try to separate them, they'll both break. See, husbands are like salt, and wives are like pepper, but they're both seasonings that go really well together–unless you have high blood pressure, in which case you should maybe think about "spicing things up" with a little Mrs. Dash (aka a lover).

Thankfully, though, this movie isn't just marriage metaphors + Backdraft + self-help books. Judging by the Fireproof clips available for sale on this site, there's also a bit of fundamentalist Office Space thrown in for good measure.