Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Modern Family families ride the corporate synergy express straight to Disneyland

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Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Wednesday, May 9. All times are Eastern.

Modern Family (ABC, 9 p.m.): The “going to Disneyland” episode has a rich and noble tradition in the world of television, especially on ABC, which has sent seemingly every family sitcom it has broadcast to the Happiest Place on Earth since Disney purchased the network in the mid-‘90s. And now it’s time for the Dunphy-Pritchett-Tuckers to head there and ride on wildly rotating teacups. They’ll probably pose for photos with Mickey Mouse, and we’re willing to bet that there’s a whole thing where Phil tries to get off on Space Mountain in the middle of the ride. Donna Bowman wishes the family had gone to Shakopee’s own Valleyfair.


American Idol (Fox, 8 p.m.): We’ll be honest with you: What’s On Tonight hasn’t been paying attention to this season at all, outside of reading Claire Zulkey’s reviews. And now that the one singer Claire liked—and thus the one singer we liked—is gone, we’re not sure how we’re going to make it to the end.

The Middle (ABC, 8 p.m.): It’s time for the prom on this show, which means that both Axl and Sue are struggling with date-related mishaps. Well, Axl might just be upset that his little sister is going to prom at all. Will Harris is upset too because he thinks prom should be replaced with the Canadian “grad.”

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): The finale is coming up on Sunday, so we’re betting that this episode will be filled with fireworks and shenanigans. More likely, it will just have a completely predictable elimination and no shenanigans whatsoever. Carrie Raisler grades everything based entirely on the shenanigan scale.

Suburgatory (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): This whole Alicia Silverstone triangle is a little bit weird. We’ll admit that. But, then, who hasn’t fallen in love with the surrogate mother of their best friend’s future child at least once? Brandon Nowalk is always judging us for our inability to stop dating all these surrogate mothers!

America’s Next Top Model (The CW, 9 p.m.): The models are harnessed atop a Hong Kong high-rise in harsh wind and rain. We’re presuming that The CW didn’t just… leave them there, but Magaret Eby says you can never be too sure. We’re all still recovering from the time Tyra left a model on the moon.


Don’t Trust The B—— In Apartment 23 (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): Every week, the James VanderBeek plot—selling skinny jeans!—sounds more interesting to us than the June plot—selling homemade jam! Emily Guendelsberger once opened a homemade jam and skinny jeans emporium, so this one’s for her.

America’s Best Dance Crew (MTV, 10 p.m.): Emily Yoshida saw this episode filmed live, so we’re betting she’ll tell us what really goes down during those long, awkward commercial breaks. We’re guessing that all of the dancers are forced to perform endlessly until Randy Jackson is satisfied with their work.


Revenge (ABC, 10 p.m.): It’s time for the big flashback to 10 years ago. Which is 2002. We’ll let that sink in. Because it shocked Carrie Raisler, too. Anyway, we’ll see how Emily was, at one time, a sweet girl living in a mountain town in Colorado and having inappropriate sexual tension with her brother.

The Sopranos (1 p.m.): Todd VanDerwerff was very, very surprised that Tony Soprano didn’t die at the end of the last episode, since there are, y’know, 18 episodes to go, including this one. Anyway, this week, Tony hangs out in the hospital with Hal Holbrook, which is just a great way to spend your time.


Nature (PBS, 8 p.m.): What’s so great about being a white lion? We’re guessing we’ll find out in tonight’s episode, which is helpfully entitled “White Lions.” It’s the episode of Nature that only Lena Dunham could write! (Sorry. We had to do it. We know that subject’s still sore for many of you.)


Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 p.m.): The Criminal Minds team tracks the career of a serial killer who’s been active for 20 years, and the audience that watches both this and Dexter hopes for a little corporate synergy that ends with everybody on both shows killing everybody else, until both are just corpses.

Around The World In 80 Plates (Bravo, 10 p.m.): The hot new trend in cooking shows is combining a cooking competition reality show with some other reality show, but we didn’t think Bravo would join the trend with this awkward Top Chef/Amazing Race combination. Emily Yoshida will have the details.


White Heat (BBC America, 10 p.m.): Meredith Blake checks out this latest BBC America import, which follows a group of friends over the course of five decades, from 1965 to the present. Well, presumably, the show will end in 2015. Which is the future. When we’ll all have robot cars, thanks to Google!

The Most Dangerous Game (TCM, 8 p.m.): Here’s a spoiler alert: The “most” dangerous game is purportedly man, but we all know it’s actually the alien from Alien, because that was the Predator’s greatest foe. Anyway, this ‘30s adaptation of the famous adventure tale is great fun and very short.


Ed Wood (Flix, 9:30 p.m.): Get ready for Tim Burton’s latest—Dark Shadows, out this weekend—with the film that just might be his best. Johnny Depp plays the famed maker of terrible films in this biopic that won Martin Landau an Oscar for best supporting actor. It’s both funny and weirdly moving.

NBA Playoff: Game 5: Knicks at Heat (TNT, 7 p.m.): Miami can eliminate those pesky Knicks with a win tonight, and since it’s all taking place on the Heat’s home court, we’re just going to assume that happens. Poor New Yorkers! They’ll just have to content themselves with one of their other 500 teams!


United Stats Of America (Tuesday): We’re always ready for a new Sklar Brothers show here at TV Club, and Phil Dyess-Nugent checks out this History Channel series that aims to boil down this great land of ours to its most pertinent statistics. Like how there are two people who write What’s On Tonight!