If there’s one thing the Trump administration is really good at, it’s plunging headfirst into self-parody. Sean Spicer hiding in the bushes, the racist travel ban being repeatedly shot down because of how many times Trump confirmed that it’s a racist travel ban, and Pope Francis’ utter disgust for Trump would all be very funny if the administration weren’t still so terrifying, but Trump and his team may have just come up with one of their most ridiculous stunts yet.
It’s called the Big League Box, because Trump can’t handle the fact that people think he says “bigly.” It’s basically a subscription service like Birchbox or Loot Crate, but with Trump garbage instead of beauty products and Funko Pop! figures. As reported by The Cut, the box will provide subscribers with “a handpicked bundle of exclusive and vintage OFFICIAL Donald J. Trump merchandise delivered to your door.” The use of “vintage” there seems to imply that these boxes will include a bunch of unsold Trump merchandise from the campaign, with his team presumably clearing out a warehouse somewhere to make room for the Trump 2020 merchandise he’s probably stocking up on already.
The Big League Box can be yours for only $69 a month; yes, Trump is actually charging $69 for this thing, which is basically like lobbing a softball right at the internet and waiting for everyone to say “Nice” in unison. The only way to make this better would be if they somehow worked “420” into it as well. You can subscribe to the Big League Box by walking outside and throwing $69 directly into a sewer.