Women’s World Cup Finals (Fox, 6 p.m.): What better way to keep your patriotic spirit going (and/or wait out a hangover) than the finals of the Women’s World Cup?! it’s been a hell of a tournament, and the final should be no different. Tune in, cheer loud, and send shitty vibes towards whoever decided letting these badass women play on astroturf was anything other than a laughable idea.
Shark Trek / Island of the Mega Shark / Monster Mako / Shark After Dark (Discovery, 8/9/10/11 p.m.): If the U.S. soccer team wasn’t kicking so much ass, the kickoff of Shark Week would undoubtedly be our top pick. Just look at this stunning slate of shark-releated content! And not a single sharknado in sight (…..yet)!
Penny Dreadful (Showtime, 10 p.m.): As quickly as this new season blew into our lives, it sets off for another season finale once again. Join Scott Von Doviak for one last whirlwind of Eva Green and assorted other people who aren’t Eva Green.
True Detective (HBO, 9 p.m.)
Ballers (HBO, 10 p.m.)
The Brink (HBO, 10:30 p.m.)
Humans (AMC, 10 p.m.)
Halt and Catch Fire (AMC, 10 p.m.)
is taking a break for the holiday weekend. Soothe yourself with the aforementioned badass ladies/Eva Green/sharks.
We’re kicking off Sibling Week and we’re kicking it off right: with an essay by the brilliant Genevieve Valentine on the subject of incest. Cheers!
Celebrity Family Feud (ABC, 8 p.m.): “Dr. Phil McGraw vs Garry & Penny Marshall and Kevin McHale vs Fred Willard”
Botched (E!, 9 p.m.): “Say Yes to the Breasts”
Married to Medicine (Bravo, 9 p.m.): “Friends Don’t Let Friends Do Background Checks on Friends” (though points off for giving in to the Jean Ralphio problem of continuing through the best endpoint)
Nat Geo Wild Special (Nat Geo Wild, 9 p.m.): “United Sharks of America”
Catch a Contractor (Spike, 10 p.m.): “Two Many Crooks in the Kitchen”
Finding Bigfoot (Animal Planet, 10 p.m.): “The Best Little Bigfoot in Texas”
Poldark (PBS, 9 p.m.): “Part 3”
Catastrophe: Molly Eichel is still working her way through this charming/filthy/charming again sitcom, which you may have missed, but should fix, because Rob Delaney and Sharon Horgan’s chemistry is second to none. Also, a wide variety of British/Irish accents, in case that’s your thing.