Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

VH1's Very Own Project Runway

Next season, Project Runway hobbles over to Lifetime, a network change that has upset some scabby-thumbed Bravo text poll addicts scared of losing their weekly democratic participation in idiocy ("What do you think of Blayne's tanorexia? a.) it's tanlicious b.)it's like leatha") fix. But in terms of networks, you can do far, far worse than Lifetime–a channel whose only crime is ensuring that Tori Spelling and Delta Burke receive regular residuals checks. The show could be moving to someplace like VH1, which besides being terrible, would now be totally redundant, considering that VH1 will soon have its own version of Project Runway called Glam God

Ever wonder what Project Runway would look like if, instead of being based on an actual, tangible skill like making clothes, the competition was based on the ability to be the most annoying while picking out earrings? And all of the contestants were forced to live and work in the same achingly florescent-lit gutted loft? And everyone had to constantly pretend that Vivica A. Fox was some kind of a style icon? Well, wonder no more:

It's like poison sumac rubbed directly in your eyes.

"Keep reaching for the stars, cause you're just not ready to style them"? That's the best kiss-off phrase they came up with? Why not, "You didn't pick the right belt." Or, "Wrong shoes. Get out."

Instead of a "styling" themed rip-off of Project Runway, VH1 should do a show about what a con the job of "stylist" is called How To Trick People Into Thinking You Have Taste. It can star Philip Bloch, and every episode will begin with a montage of him with various celebrities he's styled, under the voiceover, "I'm Philip Bloch. I look and sound like a ventriloquist dummy version of John Waters. But some of the biggest names in Hollywood pay me to tell them what to wear. Are they really that dumb or am I really that good? I think it's a little of both."