Harry and Meghan (the Duchess formerly known as the artist Meghan Markle) have gotten themselves a Netflix deal—which isn’t really even that big of a deal considering that it basically comes standard with every home purchased by a famous person in the greater Los Angeles area. The New York Times reports that Prince Harry and Meghan, aka the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, have followed in the footsteps of Barack and Michelle Obama with a hefty Netflix deal. The pair have formed a currently unnamed production company (it’ll probably have something to do with Archie or Diana or something, but it should be like “FUCK U GRANDMA”) that will make documentaries, movies, documentary series, children’s programming, et al. for Netflix. Good for them.
More importantly, as evidenced repeatedly by this New York Times article: Did you know these royal fairy tale people do not actually have last names??? Sorry if this isn’t, like, “breaking news” for most of you, but it is fucking WILD that these people are only referred to by their common first names. Even the prestigious New York Times, which reveres proper formatting and grammar usage so much that it has its own style guide, refers to Harry and Meghan by their first names like they’re old university chums from the cricket mixer days. Maybe you’re a royal obsessive and this reads as ignorance, but not all of us subscribe to People and watch The Crown, so reading this New York Times article is a mind-blowing milestone in cultural understanding for some of us.
Like, come to think of it, what is Queen Elizabeth’s last name? Is it just “II”? There’s Prince Charles and Prince Andrew (let’s not) and Prince Philip (that’s a real Weekend At Bernie’s situation, huh?) and the one they call Fergie, but where are their last names? According to some light research, not only does Harry not have an actual surname, but he only has first names. He was baptized as “Prince Henry Charles Albert David, Duke of Sussex.” Setting aside the “David Duke” of it all (YIKES), his apparent surname is “Duke of Sussex”? What kind of Medieval Times shit is this. FURTHER research (Wikipedia, thank you) tells us that members of this lineage can, if they so choose, use the surname “Mountbatten-Windsor,” but that it only applies to male members of the Queen’s lineage who don’t have royal designations—and since Harry here gave up his royal titles when he moved to America, that would make his surname Mountbatten-Windsor.
Wow, what a ride this has been. Thank you for joining us and also sorry for wasting your time.