Garfunkel And Oates (IFC, 10 p.m.):
In the six-year history of Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci’s satirical musical act, Garfunkel and Oates has been many things: YouTube sensation, folk troubadours for the new millennium, one of the few pleasant recent memories people have of Jay Leno’s Tonight Show, and probably more besides. But now the comedy duo are playing semi-fictionalized versions of themselves in their very own eight-episode comedy show, debut tonight on IFC. Caroline Framke has the pre-air review of the premiere, in which she sees plenty of potential and even more room for improvement. And later today, check out Erik Adams’ interview with Lindhome and Micucci, in which they answer our most pressing 11 questions.


Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.): Mordecai and Rigby have to take some surreally extreme measures to save the day when they accidentally destroy the expensive tent belonging to Mordecai’s lady friend. Alasdair Wilkins has had some experience with tents, but they mostly involved nearly being swept out to sea during a stormy evening on North Carolina’s Outer Banks. It was… not the best vacation we’ve ever had.


Married (FX, 10 p.m.): Tonight’s episode revolves around an overdue orthodontics bills, which is really the only thing worse than a regular orthodontics bills. Dennis Perkins confidently informs us that he always pays his orthodontics bills in full and on time, but we’re a little confused why he’s being quite so smug about all this.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7 p.m.)
Defiance (Syfy, 8 p.m.)
Rectify (Sundance, 9 p.m.)
You’re The Worst (FX, 10:30 p.m.)


Monty Python’s Flying Circus (1 p.m.):
Zack Handlen completes his exploration of Monty Python’s Flying Circus by taking a look at the show’s abbreviated, John Cleese-less fourth season (which was technically just called Monty Python, but we’re pretty sure Python fans aren’t known for being pedantic about such things). Either way, science fiction fans will want to be on the lookout for “Patient Abuse,” one of the few Python sketches co-written by Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy author Douglas Adams.

Just in time for the latest big-screen adaptation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Erik Adams files a Memory Wipe feature in which he tries to remember the appeal of the animated series that ran from 1987 to 1996. Your What’s On Tonight’s correspondent’s recollections of this show comes primarily from one random, well-worn VHS featuring a pair of episodes, both of which prominently featured the turtles teaming up with the Easter bunny. Don’t worry, Erik has a little more substance to offer on this topic. Meanwhile, Marah Eakin talks with an Expert Witness about the Supermarket Sweep experience, and Will Harris’ latest Random Roles drops, this time with SCTV’s Andrea Martin.


Secret Societies Of Hollywood (E!, 8 p.m.):
With a title like that, this show appears all set to reveal the shocking truth that the global cabal known only as the Illuminati is actually run by Brian Doyle-Murray and Angie Harmon, but tonight’s episode is about celebrities’ “pursuit of perfection and the great lengths they will go to realize their goals, including cutting-edge surgeries, dangerous diets and other risky behavior.” The better to impress Illuminati leaders Brian Doyle-Murray and Angie Harmon, presumably.

Dating Naked (VH1, 9 p.m.): Recognizing that this show doesn’t need any narrative gimmicks or twists beyond its basic premise, the entire synopsis this week simply reads, “A couple named Chuck and Camille bare all in their search for love in paradise.” Frankly, even telling us their names feels unnecessary; pretty sure if the show’s core concept hasn’t brought viewers in, empathy for the romantic plight of Chuck and Camille isn’t going to do it.


L.A. Hair (WE, 9 p.m.): This show’s third season finale is called “99 Problems, But Hair Ain’t One,” which kind of seriously undercuts the dramatic tension when the show is all about hairstylists. Surely, as long as the hair isn’t a problem, all of the other little challenges in a hairstylist’s life will just end up working themselves out? Anyway, there’s a clash with “the Atlanta stylists,” so this is one season finale that isn’t messing around.

Celebrity Damage Control (Reelz, 10 p.m.): This episode claims that it’s all about Martha Stewart fighting “to get back on her game after a prison sentence tarnishes her perfect image,” which is kind of bizarre, given that we were pretty sure a major reason she went to prison in the first place—beyond the fact that she was convicted of a crime—was that her image was so unlikable that a sizable chunk of the public was rooting for her incarceration. Also, the recent reports of Stewart buying a drone do kind of suggest that she’s giving in and accepting her more natural role as supervillain.

How It’s Made: Dream Cars (Science, 10 p.m.): The second season kicks off by spotlighting the Bugatti Veyron. Honestly, we’re just a bit surprised that a show all about dream cars somehow went an entire season without talking about that particular vehicle.


LeAnn And Eddie (VH1, 10:30 p.m.): While we do understand intellectually why it makes sense that the titular Eddie is LeAnn Rimes’ husband, the actor Eddie Cibrian, we must admit our first thought upon seeing this show’s title is that Rimes is inexplicably making a reality show with Eddie Izzard. We just can’t see how that wouldn’t be amazing, so here’s hoping for a season two retool. In the meantime, this Eddie “discovers he must wear a bathing suit for an upcoming photo shoot.” Sounds about right.

Lincoln/Django Unchained (TMC, 6:30 p.m./9 p.m.): Yep, this is pretty much a five-hour, comprehensive primer on everything you need to know about the Civil War. For additional fun, figure out which of these has the more wonderfully ridiculous selection of name actors in bit parts, though Jonah Hill as a Klansman is going to be difficult to top.

The Patriot (Cinemax, 10 p.m.): Let’s stick with the historical theme with this Revolutionary War would-be epic. Admittedly, this movie’s historical inaccuracies range from the ludicrous to the possibly offensive, and—albeit for very, very different reasons—it’s not always easy watching the 2000-era versions of Mel Gibson and Heath Ledger knowing what lies ahead. But, if you’re going to cast a British person as the embodiment of all unholy evil, it’s damn hard to beat Jason Isaacs. So the movie’s got that going for it.


MLB Baseball: White Sox at Mariners (WGN, 10 p.m.): With Ken Griffey, Jr. and his 630 homers—a tally all the more incredible when you consider he lost something like 35 seasons to injury—set to be inducted in the Cincinnati Reds’ Hall of Fame this weekend, why not check out this game between Griffey’s other two teams? We realize there are some pretty great players currently on these two clubs, but we’re guessing everyone is just going to want to talk about this super-tenuous Ken Griffey, Jr. connection we just came up with. Incidentally, we really hope that current White Sox player Adam “Big Donkey” Dunn makes it to 500 homers, because that would be the greatest, funniest thing ever.

The Bridge:
Last night’s strong episode was a showcase for Demián Bichir as Marco, who faces an impossible choice. Molly Eichel is a big fan of Bichir’s work on the show, and her review has got you covered. (Note: That was not intended as some vague sort of half-assed “covered bridge” pun, but I’m now totally willing to commit to it.)