Daniel Radcliffe plays the Devil (metaphorically, anyway) in Horns, confirming the suspicions of fundamentalist Christians who see through the whole “fantasy” thing and understand the Harry Potter series for the corrupting pagan influence it really is. (Don’t even get them started on yoga.) But what about believers who want to protect their children from the fiery touch of Satan’s claw, but don’t want to be shut out of the conversation on Facebook?
Salvation (Eh? Ehhh?) has arrived thanks to a self-proclaimed evangelical stay-at-home-mom named “Grace Ann,” who has taken it upon herself to re-write all the naughty, devil-worshipping parts of Harry Potter and replace them with wholesome, family-friendly (unless your family is atheist, in which case fuck you) Christian values. In Grace Ann’s version, Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry has been re-dubbed Hogwarts School Of Prayer And Miracles, and the evil Lord Voldemort is plotting to curtail Christians’ freedom of religion, something @GOPTeens has been warning us about for months. The entire text is available on FanFiction.net, but here’s an excerpt to whet your appetite:
Christians are people who want to be good,” Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. “We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?”
Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious.