Let’s figure out what 2017’s new emoji could be used for

By Sam Barsanti  |  March 24, 2017 | 1:35am
Aux Features Aux

At some point this year, Unicode will release its big Emoji 5.0 update that will include a bunch of new images you can send to people you’re trying to sext with, and in order to start building up hype, Emojipedia has posted images of 69 new emoji that Facebook, Twitter, and other sites will use as templates. The site says they’re currently in “draft status,” so they could drastically change before release, but it’s still a good idea to start planning for how these things could impact our daily lives in the future. After all, you don’t want to be the dummy who still doesn’t know what the eggplant means.

So, let’s go through some of the most interesting emoji in the new batch and pick out the ones that will probably be the most useful. For starters here’s the complete set (minus skin color variations):

A lot of them seem very good, but Face With Monocle seems like an early frontrunner:

This one could be used to indicate a significant level of suspicion. Donald Trump tweets something that sounds fake? Face With Monocle. Somebody sends you a nude photo that’s definitely not really them? Face With Monocle. Wearing a new monocle and want tell everybody how fresh you look? Face With Monocle.

This one is called Palms Up Together, and it could be used when you need money and/or food. Maybe someone tweets that they just got paid or shares a photo of some delicious eggplants? The Palms Up Together indicates that you’d also like some.

This is Elf. You can use it when you need to ask your traveling companion what his/her elf eyes see.

This handsome character is Bearded Person. You send this to your significant other when you want them to know that you’re leaving them for a handsome bearded person.

You can send Person Climbing to your friends when you want them to know that you’ve almost scaled Death Mountain, but your green stamina wheel is running dangerously low.

This is Cut Of Meat, and you can use it as a cheap alternative for a punching bag when you’re training for the big fight in Philadelphia and also your name is Rocky Balboa.

Grinning Face With Star Eyes says that you recently looked at the sun for too long and your retinas actually exploded. It’s terrifying.

Weirdly, the Flying Saucer is literally just for telling people that you’ve been abducted by aliens. If somebody sends you text to ask why you’re not at the cool party yet, you can send them the Flying Saucer to let them know that you won’t be able to make it.

This is Coat. We don’t have to tell you what this is one is for, you dirty dog.

Older Adult means “I’m actually not that old, but Hollywood’s ageism prevents me from finding work as an actor.”

Naturally, this is one is called Hedgehog. Considering that the world’s most famous hedgehog is Sonic The Hedgehog, a speedy blue guy who collects rings, the Hedgehog emoji could be used to ask why the person you’re dating hasn’t proposed yet. It doesn’t just say “put a ring on it,” it says “put a ring on it fast, like famous hedgehog Sonic The Hedgehog.”

Person In Lotus Position means “namaste.” No jokes here!

This is apparently called Dumpling, but it looks a bit like the shells from Demolition Man. You can use it when you’re in the bathroom and you want to tell Sandra Bullock that you don’t know how to use the shells.

This one is called Breast-Feeding. You can use it when you’re doing something totally normal and natural, but everybody else is being a huge creep for making a big deal about it.

The Curling Stone can be used when the Vancouver Falcons choke by over-sweeping on the final toss of the playoffs again.

Finally, here’s Zebra Face. It will never be used, so it’s weird that they’re even including it.

 
Join the discussion...