May 7, 2008
I'm 16 and gay.
I recently got into an argument with my parents over whether HIV is spread by
saliva, or if you can be infected during oral sex. I thought that you were safe
kissing and that it's okay to have oral sex, but that you need to use condoms
for anal sex. My parents disagree and I found mixed answers searching online. I
trust you, though—what do you say?
Good Gay Boy
You
trust me, GGB, but your parents probably wouldn't. And the whole point of this
exchange is getting you the info/ammo you need to set your parents at
ease/shoot down their arguments, right? So I'm going to step aside and let some
HIV prevention pros have a crack at your questions. Think of this column as a
sex-ed gangbang I've arranged just for you—but, um, don't describe it to
your parents that way.
"To
be exposed to HIV, you would have to come in contact with someone who is
HIV-positive and a fluid—semen, vaginal secretions, blood—that can
transmit HIV," says Krishna Stone, assistant director of community relations at
Gay Men's Health Crisis in New York City. "And there would also need to be a
point of entry—unprotected vaginal or anal sex without condoms," that
would bring the virus into contact with mucous membranes that could absorb it.
Stone
makes a great point: You can't be exposed to HIV unless you're having sex with
someone who has HIV. The AIDS virus isn't fire and gay men aren't twigs; it
doesn't matter how vigorously you rub us against each other, we're not going to
suddenly burst into HIV. If you're having sex—safe sex—with someone
who's HIV-negative like you, GGB, you have nothing to worry about on the HIV
front. Well, except for your boyfriend's truthfulness and any changes to his
HIV status since his last test—which is why you should be having safe sex
regardless, even if you think you're both negative.
But
let's say you're not with just one guy. Let's say you're running around having
sex—safe sex—with random guys (not that I'm saying you should).
Some of these guys are likely to be HIV-positive. So are you at risk of contracting
HIV when you kiss poz guys?
"Kissing
carries no risk of HIV transmission according to the Canadian AIDS Society's
HIV transmission guidelines," says Rui Pires, gay men's community education
coordinator for the AIDS Committee of Toronto, "[because] saliva doesn't
transmit HIV."
So
has anyone ever been infected via kissing?
"There
has been a documented case of HIV transmitted through 'deep kissing,' [and the
infection] occurred because both of those involved had current gum disease and
had bleeding gums," says Beau Gratzer, director of HIV/STD prevention at Howard
Brown in Chicago. "Generally speaking, blood must be visible in the saliva in
order to pose a risk of HIV transmission."