November 19, 2008
I am a straight, cross-dressing male
into bondage. That's NOT my problem. Recently, I began seeing a professional
Dominatrix for forced cross-dressing, among other things. She was great, but
our last session ended abruptly when She told me that She wanted to start dildo
training me. I was all for it, but I asked Her, politely, if She could use my
dildo. In no uncertain terms, She said no.
I then asked, politely, if She would
wash Her dildo in bleach in front of me so that I would know it was clean. She
ended the session right then and there, and She told me not to contact Her
again.
Was I out of line? I signed a "contract"
with Her that said I would not "top from the bottom," but She has several other
slaves who She probably uses that dildo on, and I just wanted to know for sure
that the dildo was clean. I know I won't be seeing Her again, but it would be
nice to know if you thought I was out of line. She reads your column.
Superior
Her Ends Edgy Session Hastily
Why
did this woman tell you to gather your panties and go?
That's
hard for me to say, SHEESH, as I'm not a mind reader. But I see two possible
explanations: 1) she is unwilling to pause, step out of her role, and
renegotiate a scene that's already underway, in which case you are well rid of
her. Or 2) you're an insufferable controlling twat, and you managed to annoy
the fuck out of her and she kicked your ass to the curb.
I
might be inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt and declare you the
wronged party here, SHEESH, but your having carried this dispute into a column
that you know she reads tips me over to her side. By writing to me, you're not
just seeking the last word, SHEESH, but hoping to have the satisfaction of
seeing this woman dressed down in public. So while you were careful to
submissively capitalize all those third-person pronouns—as if She Herself
were God Himself—your letter leads me to believe that in person, as in
print, you're a disrespectful, controlling, and manipulative piece of shit.
In
other words, SHEESH, I suspect that your beef about the cleanliness of that
dildo wasn't your infraction, but the last fucking straw.
I'm
having an interesting dilemma.
I'm
a 20-year-old female and a junior in college. For the past few years, I've been
working on becoming a journalist. But I've found myself less and less
interested (and passionate) about it as time goes on. And I think I'd rather be
a fetish model.
For
the past year, I've been a submissive in a D/s relationship with my boyfriend.
I love him VERY much, and he is more respectful toward me than any other man
I've been with. Lately, we've been toying with the idea of creating a
fetish-modeling website. I do not want to be shot nude or have sex on camera,
but I LOVE the idea of bondage photos and pursuing this as a career, and so
does he.
From
the photos I've done so far, I'm pretty sure this could pay off AND be more
personally satisfying than a job at a newspaper. But I'm nervous about what my
family and friends will say when they realize I'm never going write for The Washington Post or The New
York Times.
Kinky
Coed
Journalism
or fetish modeling, journalism or fetish modeling—gee, which career is
right for you?
Um,
KC? If you bothered to read either of the newspapers you cite as possible
future places of employment, you would know that times are tough at daily
newspapers. The Internet ate their business model—so long, lucrative
classified ads! hello "citizen journalists"!—and right now, it's all
layoffs and buyouts all the time at daily and weekly newspapers. If you care so little
about journalism that you're tempted to make a career of posting bondage
pictures to a website instead, KC, then don't go into journalism. Leave the few
jobs that remain at newspapers to people who have some passion for the field.
So
it's fetish modeling for you, right? Not so fast, kinkster. Porn companies, large
and small, are experiencing similar financial difficulties. Just as many people
are willing to write for free online, many millions of people are willing to
post everything from "tasteful" fetish shots to hardcore porn online for free.
So while there may be a handful of people out there who'll pay to see you tied
up, you're probably not going to make enough money as a fetish model to support
yourself.
So
you might want to think of some other line of work, something with more job
security and better long-term prospects—perhaps banking or real estate?
I
have a bigot in the family. My brother's mother-in-law is scared this country
is "on its way" to legalizing same-sex marriage, which is "against what her
Bible tells [her]." Debating the issue with her is no use, because it always
comes back to her religious beliefs. She doesn't dislike gays, and she's said
that if gay marriage becomes legal, she'll help me find a husband.
Outside
of the marriage issue, she shows no prejudice. As a gay man, I find her views
on marriage reprehensible, but I'm conflicted about how to deal with her in the
future. I see her half a dozen times each year on holidays, the same time I
typically see my nieces and nephews. I don't want her bigotry to impose on my
right and desire to spend time with these kids as their uncle. On the other
hand, I can't just sit there and be quiet.
Battling
Bigots In Brooklyn
Anyone
looking for proof that the United States is "on its way toward legalizing
same-sex marriage," despite recent setbacks, only has to look to the numbers of
people—gay and straight—who poured into streets over the last two
weeks to protest the bigotry of the Mormon Church and its assault on minority
rights and individual liberty. (Oh, Canada: While we scream and yell about being
the land of the free, you quietly live it. I love how my boyfriend magically
becomes my husband when we visit Canada, without anyone else's marriage being
threatened. Here's hoping that one day soon the United States will recognize
the legal marriages of all Canadian citizens, gay and straight.)
Okay,
BBIB, my favorite sign at the protest I attended in New York City last
week—well, after "Jesus Had Two Daddies," "Use Your Magic (Underpants)
for Good, Not Evil," and "Thou Shalt Not Fuck with Us"—was this: "No More
Mr. Nice Gay." If anyone caught me on Anderson Cooper 360º later that same night, you saw me refusing
to play Mr. Nice Gay in a conversation with lying right-wing überbigot Tony
Perkins. (Looking to get involved in the fight? Jointheimpact.com is a good
place to start.)
But
while I'm down with the whole no more Mr. Nice Gay thing, BBIB, I see no need
to go postal on your brother's MIL. She's not Tony Perkins; she's a human
being. And it sounds like her affection for you is already on a collision course
with her bigotry. Stand firm, continually emphasize that there's a difference
between civil marriage rights and religious marriage rites. Polls show that
many Americans have already come around on this issue. Thanks to the work
you've already done, BBIB, it sounds like your brother's MIL will be next.
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