Octogenarian influencers are hawking Flamin' Hot Cheetos flavored Mountain Dew
And so goes the natural, sad, David Lynchian progression of things
Long before Mountain Dew—sorry, sigh, MTN DEW—positioned itself as the go-to soda for unholy flavor combinations, cola heists, obnoxious branding campaigns, and reductive socio-economic class comparisons, it was simply yet another fizzy drink concocted by people looking for something to mix with their bathtub hooch… but that was 81 years ago. A lot has changed since then. Of course, we would never subscribe to the reactionary, simplistic “good ol’ days” mindset, but then again:
Please welcome MTN DEW FLAMIN’ HOT to the national discourse. “The 81-year-old beverage brand is no stranger to pushing flavor boundaries and FLAMIN’ HOT’ is no exception,” reads PepsiCo’s official press release, explaining that its new, limited edition soda flavor will combine “the sweet, citrus DEW with a new spicy goodness.” Their phrasing, not ours.
To help hawk its “We’re Old But Still Know What ‘Fuccboi’ Means!” angle, Mountain Dew MTN DEW also enlisted older “granfluencers” including Baddie Winkle and Granny Coy Bundy to promote the limited-edition carbonated diarrhea formula. Winkle, from our research, was roughly 12 years old when Mountain Dew first hit store shelves. Ms. Bundy is apparently only 47, which makes us feel many an emotion on the subjects of ageism, social media influencer culture, consumerism—none of which are particularly healthy or palatable.