At long last, Noel Gallagher, lightsaber tutor and renowned model of healthy brotherly relationships, has decided to weigh in on the British royal family’s current difficulties. Rather than view whatever trouble Harry and William are currently experiencing in the same way we all look at the Gallaghers’ feuds—as a spat between rich assholes whose rich asshole behavior really doesn’t matter to the rest of us—Noel has very loudly taken the older prince’s side.
Gallagher voiced his opinions to The Sun in a piece published Wednesday that’s available to read alongside articles about a woman getting her eyelid chewed off by a chihuahua and a big list of “glam Euro Wags.” Rather than vent his anger at a system that perpetuates the existence of archaic, prejudiced institutions, Gallagher says that Harry’s promo tour/somehow-surprising accusations of monarchical racism are making him “[come] across like a typical fucking woke snowflake, fucking arsehole.”
“Prince William,” he says. “I feel that fucking lad’s pain. He’s got a fucking younger brother shooting his fucking mouth off with shit that is just so unnecessary.” In our favorite quote, Noel Gallagher himself—the man whose Wikipedia page has an entire subsection devoted to his countless fights with brother Liam—says, “Just don’t be fucking dissing your family because there’s no need for it.” He also explains that the entire issue is just “what happens when you get involved with Americans. As simple as that.”
To round things out, Gallagher returns to one of his standby topics: Complaining about the rest of his industry. He describes how “the music business, artistically, is the worst it has ever been” and attributes some of those failings to the somehow novel concept that labels are signing “kids who are gagging to be famous and who look good and have got fairly decent voices” who they can have “in-house songwriters” compose music for.
[via Consequence Of Sound]
Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com
