The cover of the March issue of Seventeen, featuring the word "Beautiful" and the face of Ashlee Simpson in heretofore unimagined proximity.

(Revelations made inside: Jessica is taking the divorce really hard; Jessica sometimes calls Ashlee "to talk"; Jessica's boobs are still real; Jessica and Ashlee are still related.) Why does Ashlee look half-way presentable?

Advertisement

This might have something to do with it. Or… The cover of the new issue of Rolling Stone, featuring Kanye West dressed up like Jesus, complete with crown of thorns, bloodied face, and tangible anger.

(Revelations made inside: Kanye is dating a young MTV employee; Kanye is a Christian; making an album is hard, kinda like crucifiction; despite appearances, Kanye cannot, in fact, walk on water.) You decide!

Advertisement