At one time or another, every person in America has found themselves craving an unholy amount of ranch dressing, only to realize that the standard bottle is nowhere near being big enough to satiate their hunger for that wonderful goop. Now, finally, the good people at Hidden Valley have unveiled the ultimate item for both unrepentant ranchaholics and the guests at a party with some truly killer crudités: a five-liter keg of ranch dressing. Billed as a “year supply” of dressing, the keg is stackable (so you can buy more than one) and is lined with a special FDA-approved coating that “keeps the ranch tasting fresh.”
Each keg will cost you $50, but that’s a small price to pay for something this outrageous. If it is too rich/too ranch for your blood, though, Hidden Valley has also compiled an entire collection of ranch-themed gifts for the major weirdos in your life, including a sweatshirt that just says “ranch,” ranch-themed socks, and—most shocking of all—a ranch fountain that sends waves of tasty cream cascading down a joyful, holiday-themed tower. Hidden Valley is selling that for $110, and the very idea of it just might make you swear off ranch dressing for the rest of your life.