Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Come up with your own cloying voiceovers to bid farewell to The Carrie Diaries

Illustration for article titled Come up with your own cloying voiceovers to bid farewell to The Carrie Diaries

Here’s what’s up in the world of TV for Monday, April 8. All times are Eastern.

The Carrie Diaries (The CW, 8 p.m.): Did you forget this show existed? Don’t worry. Most of America did, too. But Carrie Raisler’s been there from the first, diligently covering every episode of a show that turned out charming but also a little too lightweight from time to time, and she’ll be there to cover the finale as well. Then, in 2043, she’ll review a show about the teenage Carrie Raisler, doing her best to realize her dream of writing weekly TV reviews, while simultaneously fending off boys, British people, and the mob. We can hardly wait for the 2040s Carrie Diaries reboot!


Adventure Time (Cartoon Network, 7:30 p.m.): There’s a sword storm a-comin’, so that means Jake is going to protect himself the only way he can: with a pillow fort. Oliver Sava wants to know if there’s any chance that the Armenian Independence Day parade will wend its way through Jake’s pillow fort.

Regular Show (Cartoon Network, 8 p.m.): Bird Thing and Raccoon Thing find out they have to clean a limousine before someone named Maellard comes home, and Alasdair Wilkins thrills to the idea of an episode based around basic maintenance tasks. If there’s one thing he wants, it’s more cleaning on TV!

The Following (Fox, 9 p.m.): After two F’s in a row, we’re wondering at what point David Sims will start to lose it and how will it happen when that occurs. Will his brain drip out of his ears? Will his face simply melt? If we close our eyes and look away from The Following, can we avoid his fate? Or are we doomed?

RuPaul’s Drag Race (Logo, 9 p.m.): This week’s episode is called “Super Troopers” and, thus, must be a tribute to the film Super Troopers, which our brother-in-law was obsessed with back when he was in high school and we first started seeing his sister. Oliver Sava questions our use of the first-person plural.

Bates Motel (A&E, 10 p.m.): The end of last week’s episode was pretty exciting, and Todd VanDerWerff wants to know how Norman’s going to get out of his current predicament as well as how that German shepherd is going to get out of the bedroom he locked it in. Doesn’t he know dogs can’t open doors?


Revolution (NBC, 10 p.m.): Rachel goes on a quest to restore the world’s power and her own self-respect. Sure, Rachel. The world may be mired in an oppressive post-apocalypse, driven by the lack of power, but what’s really important is that you regain your self-respect. Les Chappell has no self-respect.

Top Of The Lake (Sundance, 10 p.m.): We actually don’t know if Scott Tobias or Brandon Nowalk will cover tonight’s episode. Consider it a mystery you can solve yourself. We’ll scatter clues around the Internet, and you can find the answer by checking the byline of the article to see who writes it.


Peep Show (11 a.m.): We think this show would be even better if it featured real, actual Peeps. And if the show’s writers and actors are amenable, right now’s the best time to buy up Peeps at your local supermarket. Phil Dyess-Nugent saw a rainbow of them for sale for 10 packs for $5. What a steal!


Batman: The Animated Series (1 p.m.): “Girls Night Out” collects everybody from Poison Ivy to Supergirl in an episode that apparently aims to live as completely as possible up to its title. Oliver Sava would probably go out drinking with Poison Ivy, but he’s not sure he’d have as much fun with Supergirl.

The Secret Life Of The American Teenager (ABC Family, 8 p.m.): Amy’s headed to college, and that appears to be how the show’s going to begin winding down its run. We wish everybody involved all the best, and we hope that creator Brenda Hampton is soon making more shows with lots of blank staring.


50 Children: The Rescue Mission Of Mr. And Mrs. Kraus (HBO, 9 p.m.): HBO looks back at a New Jersey couple who fought to arrange the escape of 50 Jewish children from Nazi-occupied Europe in the early days of World War II. The film also features the voice talents of Alan Alda and Mamie Gummer.

Being Human (Syfy, 9 p.m.): We dropped out of covering this show regularly this season, so we were surprised to see that it’s plugging along, apparently not even caring that we don’t write about it anymore, like it’s too cool for us or something. Anyway, the season finale is tonight, if you care.


Independent Lens (PBS, 10 p.m.): PBS’ indie film showcase picks up The House I Live In, Eugene Jarecki’s film about the costs of the drug war, complete with an interview with everybody’s favorite raconteur, Wire creator David Simon. Here’s a good chance to get your outrage on—from either the subject matter or PBS’ editing.

Taxi Driver (Sundance, 8 p.m.): We were just watching Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert argue about this movie the other day. Turns out Siskel didn’t like the final third—when Travis Bickle goes all violent crazy vigilante person—but Ebert thought it was good stuff. And now we miss both of them even more.


Waterworld (Encore, 8 p.m.): We always think maybe we should watch this movie—which we’ve never seen—sometime, but then we think that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad it was good but, instead, just boring. But c’mon! Kevin Costner is a man with gills! That has to be sort of weird and amazing, right?

NCAA Basketball Championship: Louisville vs. Michigan (CBS, 9 p.m.): Call us crazy, but we’re pretty excited for this one. The two teams that looked the strongest throughout the tournament face off, with the presumptive favorite Cardinals taking on the Wolverines, who looked like the favorites months ago.


Shameless (Sunday): Another season of Shameless—complete with great reviews by our own Joshua Alston—has passed, and you didn’t even deign to notice that it had. But what about Emmy Rossum, everybody? What about William H. Macy? What about, dare we say it, the kid who plays Lip?