Today the most momentous event ever to transpire (live on ABC from 11am to 12pm Eastern Standard Time) finally happened. I'm talking, of course, about Rosie O'Donnell replacing both Meredith Viera and Star Hammerhead Jones as a co-host on The View.
(that's Joy Behar and Barbara Walters in the background) I didn't see this important television milestone firsthand––don't worry, when my grandchildren ask me about it 50 years from now, I'll just make something up about how the earth shook when every American unemployment recipient, housewife, and sorority girl turned their TVs to ABC at the same time––but I'm told that a giant cake of Rosie's face was involved somehow. (If anyone has a photo of this please let me know.) But in honor of the occasion, I did go to
The View's website, where I found a high-school-production-of-Fosse-meets-Daytime-TV promo that offers a tantalizing glimpse into what the first show must have been like: lots of pseudo-show-tunes, awkward jokes, bowler hats, and Elisabeth Hasselbeck's palpable gay panic. In other words, it was probably mildly entertaining. For all of you wondering, "Who is this Rosie O'Donnell? Are there any fun facts I could learn about her and then immediately forget?" I found this: Rosie Fun Facts, a list of, um, fun facts about Rosie like "She's allergic to cats and horses" and "Her role models are Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler." But this list, though fascinating, is incomplete. Here are a few more Rosie Fun Facts: —She writes a blog in the most annoying way possible (i.e. in verse form). —She had a highly-self-publicized "crush" on Tom Cruise. —There's a scene in Exit To Eden where someone puts butter and sugar on a woman's breast then licks it off. It's the most awkward example of erotica I've ever seen. (This is not really a Rosie Fun Fact, but it should be mentioned whenever possible.) —She makes Elizabeth Hasselbeck visibly uncomfortable. (The most fun fact of all.) Did I forget anything else?