Kevin Hart is undoubtedly one of the world’s most powerful, talented, and hard-working stars. In fact, the comedian has so much in the pipeline it’s hard to keep track. He’s everywhere, diversifying his income with Chase Freedom commercials, blockbuster movies with The Rock, Netflix shows with Wesley Snipes, and, of course, several
Quibi Roku Originals, including the very real Die Hart, an action series he stars opposite John Travolta.
In addition to all that, he has Laugh Out Loud, a media and production conglomerate that produces stuff like Die Hart, as well as other Hart-led vehicles, such as the show where he invites celebs to take sit in a cold tub, Cold As Balls (now in its sixth season), Exit Strategy, The Real Husbands Of Hollywood, and the Straight From The Hart podcast.
We swear all these are very real examples of Kevin Hart protecting the bag, which, of course, no judgment there. But his latest bag defense has to be his seemingly cheapest production yet: Confessions From The Hart, an “animated” anthology special billed as [sigh] a Web3 experience.
The press release for this one is pure word salad that includes many terms that cause sudden involuntary blackouts. Please take a seat in a comfortable chair (in case of loss of consciousness) and feast your eyes on this:
Kevin Hart and his global, multi-platform entertainment company HARTBEAT announced today the first of a series of Kevin Hart Nation Web3 experiences with the premiere of Roku Original, “Confessions from the Hart,” a 30-minute animated anthology based on his popular IGTV series of the same name. The special takes fans inside his virtual universe with an unprecedented streaming and Metaverse bonus episode release, launching exclusively on The Roku Channel on Wednesday, July 6 in honor of Kevin’s birthday. The Roku Channel is the exclusive home of Roku Originals and reaches U.S. households with an estimated 80 million people (Q4 2021).
One must wonder what Hart would do with a less pun-ready name.
So Confessions From The Hart is a 30-minute special that takes audio from Kevin Hart’s Instagram Stories, and plugs it into the groundbreaking NFT technology that brought us such beloved characters as the Bored Apes Yacht Club.
According to the release, in order to perfectly animate Kevin Hart taking a wild shit on stage, where poop blasts out the top of a porta-potty and splashes onto his adoring audience (if there was ever a metaphor for this trailer), the show was developed in partnership with Moonwalk, “the leading Web3 platform for brands and creators and virtual entertainment company.”
Essentially that means that you can watch this in the “Kevin Hart Nation Metaverse Screening Room,” and also the show will coincide with Hart’s “first-ever NFT collection to reflect himself and his characters in the special.” Wow, you can actually own a .jpeg of Beyoncé and Jay-Z looking like they’re in a Brisk commercial.
Setting all the web3, NFT, crypto stuff. This special looks unbelievably cheap, with characters resembling awkwardly animated Bratz dolls. How is this better than just posting his Instagram Stories on Roku? If anything, the look of the show is a detriment to its star, who is so much funnier than this nightmare fuel lets on.
Listen, this writer is not denying Hart’s talent. He’s clearly a very seasoned and beloved entertainer, who undoubtedly has many supporters and fans. None of this is meant to disrespect him. But someone needs to intervene. This “yes to everything” approach is diluting his brand with pure, unadulterated garbagio. Kevin, it’s ok to say “no” once in a while!