Sleep-sack seditionist Mike Lindell preps for the next riot from prison on Jimmy Kimmel Live

Appearing on Thursday’s show, Adomian’s Lindell appeared from his prison cell in a Minnesota correctional facility, surprising Kimmel by already sporting a teardrop tattoo and hawking smuggled pillows for cigarettes. As Kimmel noted, Lindell’s latest nonsensical claim (at least as of this writing) is that he has enough evidence of massive voter fraud in the 2020 presidential election to “put everybody in prison for life, 300-some million people.” And, since that’s essentially the entire population of the United States, give or take, Lindell preemptively jailed himself to secure a good spot. Such are the actual statements of a person who was routinely invited to Donald Trump’s Oval Office.

With Adomian feverishly channeling Lindell’s Midwest-accented manic craziness, the pillow maven occasionally interrupted his too-loony-even-for-Fox-News conspiracy talk to hector his fellow prisoners about pillows-for-contraband deals, and to swig directly from his toilet. “It’s not wine, Jim, it’s urine. I’m sober as a church mouse!,” the famously sobered-up Lindell assured Kimmel of his drinking habits, clearly and predictably having gone all-in on the latest, Trumpland anti-COVID quack cure of imbibing one’s own pee.

As for Lindell’s future plans (now that his phone records have reportedly been subpoenaed over that whole “aiding and abetting a Republican coup against American democracy” thing), Adomian’s self-incarcerated seditionist rebuffed Kimmel’s advice to sit out an in-progress prison riot. “Are you crazy?,” exclaimed Lindell amidst the clangor of shivs and sirens, “I missed the on last riot ’cause I was in the White House Jan. 6. I’m not going to miss out an opportunity to stab a cop with a screwdriver again!”