Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Good Wife: “Don’t Haze Me Bro”

Illustration for article titled The Good Wife: “Don’t Haze Me Bro”

If there’s one brand of Good Wife episode I just can’t resist, it’s a Diane-centric episode. Watching her gaze at the abandoned 27th floor and then march out of the elevator to her offices with renewed vigor was hot as hell. Later, when she took off her shoes and triumphantly put her feet up against the window? Even better. The Good Wife has been getting people hot and bothered with its Kalinda storyline, which some say is getting too raunchy. But for me, this is where the raunch is at. Nothing sexier than Diane at the top of her game.

Actually, after all my ranting last week, Kalinda’s hubby was nowhere to be seen. I’m sure that my important thoughts on him scared the writers from including him (yes, I know exactly how TV is made, don’t I?). And Maura Tierney was back as rich-lady Maddie, who’s just in search of a friend and thinks she’s found one in Alicia. So I was pretty much predisposed to like this episode, which was solid throughout and included multiple scenes where Jackie Florrick had visions of bugs crawling around her. The Good Wife can be a surprising show, but even I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.

Yes, poor Jackie, fresh out of the hospital after her (possibly self-induced) stroke last year, supposedly has a clean bill of health. And at first it seems like she’s the same old Jackie—stubborn to a fault, happy with Alicia as long as she’s making her son look good, ignoring whatever advice anyone gives her even if it’s reasonable. Speaking to a bunch of seniors as Eli tries to keep a story about Peter sleeping with a campaign worker at bay, Jackie says ladies have always chased her son around, since he’s so handsome and all. Just what Eli (who had a couple nice freak-outs after a slow start this season) needs.

But Jackie is definitely not the same old meddling mother-in-law. No, she’s having very strange visions of CGI bugs, first on her podium and then in her wine, and each time, the effects budget seems to have been slashed. Seriously, CBS, invest in a bug wrangler or something, cause those bugs look faaake. Jackie’s continued travails on The Good Wife have always been a little superfluous—she’s a very weak-sauce Livia Soprano, and because Alicia’s not really scared of her (and Peter stands up to her when need be), she doesn’t pose much of a threat anymore. She’s pretty much purely a comic character. So I guess giving her bug-visions fits in with that, but I really have no idea where this is all going. BUGS!

The case of the week was a hazing death on a university water-polo team, with the interesting spin that the kid had already been convicted of killing his teammate, but the victim’s family was now suing the university for failing to prevent a culture of hazing. Much like last week, this fairly serious topic was given a completely ridiculous episode title. Last week’s “Two Girls, One Code” was bad enough, but “Don’t Haze Me, Bro”? I dunno, guys. Maybe drop it with the puns for the next few episodes.

The undercurrent to the episode is that Diane is getting her groove back a little bit. Will is already supercharged just because he’s been out of the game so long, but for Diane, it’s the ridiculous (if entertaining) antics of a rival attorney played by the wonderful John Glover (who we all know from Smallville, but he’s also a seasoned Broadway vet). Glover defends the university with every argument he can possibly think of—the university couldn’t have seen the death coming because it was a hate crime because the victim was gay. Well, okay, he wasn’t gay, but the killer thought he was. Well, okay, he didn’t, but he didn’t like the guy because of black-on-black racial tension.


In a nice twist, Glover ends up hoisted by his own petard, with his argument coming round to the fact that the murder was motivated more than anything by a fraternity rivalry, something the university should have been aware of. Not that Diane didn’t get plenty to do, and we also had to suffer through a slightly ridiculous “swishy” judge who assures everyone that he has a wife and isn’t gay, but offers very little concrete evidence to back up that fact. I guess the point being made was that it’s often difficult to prove hate crimes because it can be difficult to prove someone thought someone else was gay. But, you know, I think we would have gotten it anyway.

Not much else going on this week. Alicia and Eli successfully chase the major paper away from the Peter story, with Kalinda proving that the accuser is bonkers and definitely lying (the reporter is never convinced, but her boss is). That includes an awkward interaction between Alicia and Maddie that maybe ruins their budding friendship (boy, I hope not) and the final twist that an evil anarchic blogger is gonna blow the whole thing open anyway. Say it with me, Good Wife fans: BLOGGERS! Shake your fists to the sky! Who can wait for the blog storylines likely coming in next week’s episode? Not I!


Finally, Clarke  seems to be up to something, giving Cary an office with Alicia and asking him to be his eyes and ears in the office. Hey, at least it’ll give Cary something to do? I for one want to know more about that blonde possible prostitute he was counseling in his office this week. Not enough Cary, folks. Never enough Cary.

Stray observations:

  • “What got into you?” Will asks an invigorated Diane. “Wheaties!”
  • Alicia can’t say the word “Almodovar” after a couple drinks.