1. Ben Affleck + Alcohol + a TV crew from Montreal = the most awkward example of movie promotion ever
It's so fitting that this video is from when he was promoting Jersey Girl. It's almost as if he just thought to himself, "Fuck it. No one's seeing this anyway. I'm just gonna keep drinking till that French-Canadian reporter gets here." The strangest part about this is not Affleck's iron-clad grip on her, or her constant giggling, it's that the whole thing is set to a looping soundtrack of "Hey Mama". It's almost like they were expecting the interview to devolve into porn, so they kept the music running to fill in the spaces. Is all TV in Montreal like this? 2. Coca-Cola + The State Fair Of Texas + a Fry Daddy = Deep-Fried Coke More disgusting details here.
Just because you can fry something doesn't mean you should. Nevermind. I take that back. This is what this country is all about. What is more American than deep-frying everything within your line of vision and serving it at the state fair? Honestly, I can't imagine anything more patriotic than a deep fried soft drink covered in syrup and whipped cream. Unless it's a deep fried soft drink covered in syrup and whipped cream served on a red, white, and blue stick with the words to that Toby Keith song printed on it. (That image is enough to make you cry and vomit at the same time.)
3. A cute polka-dot shower cap + Cee Cee Michela + a copious amount of nail glue + a promise to remain a virgin until God or your parents say it's ok = The Purity Princess Survivor Kit
What would an actress from the CW's most wholesome show,
Girlfriends, do? She'd sell this kit on her website for $65. Which isn't a lot considering the many, many things a girl needs to survive being a Purity Princess. Things like a shower cap, "nail enamel quick dry spray," a sewing kit, and, of course, your very own "Pink Abstinence Card." (Pink is the color of choice amongst the pure.) 4. Paris Hilton's CD + "art" = UK "guerilla artist" Banksy's doctored Paris Hilton CD
This works on so many levels: As a joke. As art. As super-guerilla joke-art. I can't believe no one thought of this sooner. It's about time someone stuck it to Paris Hilton. I mean, she's always there, being famous, and vapid, and utterly annoying, and no one ever calls her out on it. She's never the butt of jokes. On the contrary, she is universally revered, and consistently taken seriously in everything that she does. And considering that her album is selling so well, this couldn't have happened at a better time. Finally, someone had the bravery to ask "Why is Paris Hilton famous?" in a humorous way before the joke got so tired that just reading the first three letters of her name is exhausting.