Photo: Jack Taylor (Getty Images)

Less than a week after rumors began swirling that mall-based toy retailer Toys R Us would soon go the way of slap bracelets (or, for that matter, the American shopping mall itself), The Washington Post confirms today that the once-massive retail chain is preparing to close the entirety of its 800-plus U.S.-based stores. The company‚ÄĒwhich has struggled to survive in a world of big box retailers and online marketplaces‚ÄĒfiled for bankruptcy six months ago, and is reportedly as much as $8 billion in debt.

The consequences for the collapse should be obvious; 33,000 people are expected to lose their jobs as the stores close nationwide. Meanwhile, all of the company‚Äôs fabled ‚ÄúToys R Us kids‚ÄĚ will be forced to suddenly grow up, with horrifically rapid results as they advance to their proper ages. The backwards Rs will be spun ‚Äėround the correct way, in the hopes of donating them to local dictionaries. And Geoffrey The Giraffe, the company‚Äôs long-time mascot, will presumably be remanded to the custody of the state, to be placed in a zoo somewhere where he‚Äôll inevitably wither, and pine.


It‚Äôs not all doom and gloom, though; one of the company‚Äôs creditors, MGA Entertainment, has expressed an interest in buying the company‚Äôs Canadian stores, and as many as 400 of its U.S. branches, for itself. ‚ÄúThere is no toy business without Toys R Us,‚ÄĚ the company‚Äôs chief executive, Isaac Larian told reporters. ‚ÄúIt‚Äôs a big deal and I‚Äôm going to try to salvage as much of it as possible.‚ÄĚ