Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Weekend Box Office: Heaven is real profitable

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And on the third day, Heaven Is For Real rose to take second place on Easter weekend, sitting at the right hand of the one who reigns everlasting over our hallowed box office—the Marvel movie. As Captain America took in its third straight weekend at the top, Heaven Is For Real took in the now-weekly movie congregation of Christian audiences, who flocked to see the film about Greg Kinnear eating a delicious ice cream sundae learning that out of the mouths of babes comes our most reassuring platitudes. Its success also made for another major faith-driven/church group-fueled hit in 2014, putting it in a Top 10 that still includes Noah and the similarly pamphlet-based God’s Not Dead. No doubt studios are already rushing to follow God’s Not Dead and Heaven Is For Real with And You’ll Get To See All Your Pets Again Too.


This weekend’s other films about resurrection fared much worse. Johnny Depp’s ascension into virtual immortality in Transcendence opened in fourth place with just over $11 million, with audiences failing to heed its warnings of our looming digital future of 1993. Still, it’s possible the film will also find a new life everlasting online, where it can join similar movies like The Lawnmower Man, Ghost In The Machine, and Hackers in being ruthlessly mocked, forever and ever. Meanwhile, the restless, farting spirits of A Haunted House 2 were shackled to the limbo of fifth place, trapped between the worlds of making only half of the film’s predecessor with just $9.1 million, yet probably still earning enough to be condemned to reincarnation in a follow-up, which will spoof whatever horror movies haven’t already been spoofed before February 2015.

Elsewhere, God’s punishment for the sins of man—Bears—lumbered into eleventh place with a mere $4.8 million, confirming that, regardless of the Disney name, man’s natural fight-or-flight instinct means he’s not just gonna wander into a dark room marked “Bears.” And finally, the allure of seeing Woody Allen play a pimp appealed to exactly the five theaters full of people who’d be interested in seeing that right now, with Fading Gigolo earning $198,000, and proving that some are still willing to take a leap of faith, amen.

For more detailed numbers, visit Box Office Mojo.