No one is sadder about this news than Kevin Hart. (Photo: Noel Vasquez/Getty Images)

The sound currently ricocheting across Hollywood is that of the world’s saddest record scratch. Despite possessing a body that presents as male, the primary requirement to star in a film about a man who—record scratch!—disguises himself as a woman in order to play nanny to his children, Kevin Hart has put the kibosh on any insinuations that he is actively looking to star in a remake of Mrs. Doubtfire. We know this is hard to hear, but it looks like there won’t be an excuse for any new Funko editions of Robin Williams in elderly British drag anytime soon.

The news comes from Hart himself, who stumbled across a story in Shadow And Act which took a lighthearted hypothetical from a recent CinemaBlend interview (“Now that you’ve remade Jumanji, if you had to choose another Robin Williams film to redo, what would it be?”) and treated it seriously. The resulting headline—“Kevin Hart wants to star in a Mrs. Doubtfire remake”—apparently upset the comedian enough that he took time out of his busy Jumanji press schedule to tweet a correction:

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Obviously, this is tragic news for America, who desperately wants to see the continuing adventures of a guy spying on his separated wife and kids by the process of donning an outlandish drag disguise—at least according to Hollywood, which has spent most of the 21st century trying to get that project off the ground. The most recent effort came in 2014, when it was announced a sequel was in development. Unfortunately, the death of Williams put a right proper stop to that balderdash (that’s how Mrs. Doubtfire would say it, see, because she’s a spot-on impression of a Brit), so now, we must look to the future Doubtfires of America, a group from which it seems Hart has removed himself. Who will provide us our zany antics in cross-dressing and the crime of identity fraud? A hopeful nation’s eyes now turn to Vin Diesel. [Record scratch that segues into a grunt]