Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Halloween falls on a Friday this year, which means that we have the rare (read: every five or six years) opportunity to evaluate our societal fears by a surprisingly accurate (because it's never been tested), highly visual barometer: posters for movies opening on Halloween. Conveniently enough, every movie opening this October 31st is some form of horror movie, and all are hoping to slice open our collective gums and expose our raw nerves, like a group of terrible cinematic dentists–Or like some other painfully stretched metaphor that makes slightly more sense. The point is, the movies opening tomorrow are hoping to elicit our fear by various means. So, according to the movie posters, what are we afraid of?

1. Seth Rogen Porn.

Don't think this movie opening on Halloween is mere coincidence. This poster might as well have come straight from our collective subconscious. We're so afraid of Seth Rogen porn, we can only bear to think of it in desexualized, stick figure form. Chilling, isn't it?

2. Teenagers with secrets, red lipstick.


Teenagers are terrifying, obviously. Any group of people who can keep One Tree Hill on the air for this long, or Kira Plastinina in business is scary. But teenagers who are bullied–especially those who are bullied via red lipstick messages in bathrooms–are even more terrifying, because they are just simmering pots of frustration waiting to explode. Even if Molly Hartley wasn't a demon who gets her special demon powers when she turns 18, which she obviously is, the fact that she's been bottling up her rage from years of being bullied already makes her frightening. Her status as Rosemary's grown-up baby is just the creepy icing on the fear cake.

3. Splinters.


Kudos, Hollywood for finally tapping into our collective fear of horrible pain. Splinters can really, really hurt, therefore they are frightening. Sequel idea: Splinter 2: Coffee Table That You Always Stub Your Toe On.

4. Outsourcing and flying phones.


The phones flying across the center of the poster obviously as the result of violent paranormal activity are a nice, subtle cue that this movie must at least in part be about poltergeists. But the real terror here comes from the references to phones and India. Clearly The Other End Of The Line wants to tap into our gnawing fears about the consequences of outsourcing. Either that or Jesse Metcalfe is a serial killer who preys on innocent Indian actresses.


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