Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Who is Star Jones Without The View?

So, maybe Barbara Walters finally went into her local Barnes & Noble and thumbed through a copy of Shine: A Physical, Emotional And Spiritual Journey To Finding Love, or maybe one of her assistants finally alerted her to the existence of this website, or maybe she just finally looked 30 degrees to her left and saw this sitting there

and was understandably frightened. Whatever horrible incident sparked it, the greatest thing ever has finally happened: Star Jones has been fired from The View!

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Not only that, but photos of her have been removed from the show's opening title sequence, and this morning Barbara made an announcement that Star was no longer welcome on the show, or anywhere near her.

You can watch a clip of that here.

But I prefer this clip of Barbara working out in full makeup. (The huffing, puffing, and uncomfortable noises in both clips are nearly identical, anyway.)

So, who is Star Jones without The View? Based upon her recent comments and general appearance, without The View, Star Jones is:

—Angry, or at least, hungry

—Someone who whines about being fired from The View to anyone who'll listen

—A carefree girl who's deeply in love! Or something.

—The one person in the world who could reasonably be mistaken for a hammerhead shark

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Did I forget anything?

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