Bulgarian environmentalists ask that Expendables 2 producers please not explode their bats

The filming of The Expendables 2 continues to cut a swath of destruction across Eastern Europe, with the recent death of a stuntman now followed by another incident that’s caught the attention of local authorities. Bulgaria’s environmental protection agency has fined producers for damage done to the Devetashka Cave, a local landmark that’s been preserved since prehistoric times, and which has now had many of its trees and shrubs removed in order to make way for film sets and Terry Crews’ shoulders. While this is obviously just the inexorable march of progress, marching right across ancient history’s windpipe to a kickin’ hard-rock soundtrack, the agency has expressed concern that the film may end up causing permanent harm to the cave, which also serves as a habitat to 40 endangered species and one of the largest bat colonies in Europe. So in order to continue shooting there, “producers have promised to refrain from explosions, car chases, and fires” near the bats. “Oh nooooo, no car chases near the precious bats, please,” these meddling environmentalists probably said while clutching their hemp scarves. “Please don’t explode the bats, please, they’re so sensitive.”