Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Pikachu can speak full sentences now and people are freaking the fuck out

In the Book of Revelation, the end times are triggered by the sound of blowing trumpets. Each blast of sound brings forth new horrors—a rain of fire and blood, stars going dark, terrible creatures and vast armies slaughtering swaths of humanity.

It’s impossible to say exactly what these apocalyptic trumpets would sound like if we heard them today. Would they resemble a Mahler brass section? A Zimmer movie score? The creators of Pokemon The Movie: I Choose You!, have stumbled upon the more likely candidate: the Dread Beast Pikachu, opening its tiny mouth to spill forth full sentences.

As shown in this clip tweeted by Buzzfeed’s Ryan Broderick, the adorable yellow rat is capable of tearing apart audience’s minds simply by saying a few coherent words. Apparently saving this feat of intelligence for its dying moments, Pikachu does away with endless repetitions of its own name to eloquently explain its love for the human handler cradling its battered body.


Listen to the audience, aghast at this new information. “What the fuck?” someone says. “No!” another cries. The longer video clip of the scene captures the full impact of a truth denied, of an assumed fact transformed into fiction in the blink of an eye.

You can hear denial, anger, and disbelief in the murmurs of the crowd, but it doesn’t matter. Pikachu has brought forth ruin from its furry throat. The first seal has broken, not with physical destruction but a mental decimation that heralds the unexpected end of our earthly world. Repent now while there’s still time. Before long, the Great Dragon Charizard will arrive and signal the beginning of the final battle.


[via Kotaku]

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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