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Steve Bannon is doing a juice cleanse to repair his lifetime of evil

Photo: WinMcNamee/Getty Images

While Mike Cernovich is, generally speaking, a legitimately terrible human and a conspiracy theorist who peddles thinly sourced news reports to his adoring fan base of alpha-male trolls, he dropped a fascinating tidbit in his latest Medium post. Entitled “Dispatches From Trumpland,” the post continues the far right’s disconcerted tone with the newly “centrist” direction of the Trump administration, with a glimmer of hope for the base in the form of an update on everyone’s favorite apocalyptic propagandist, Steve Bannon:

For his part, Bannon is in great spirits, multiple people close to him have confirmed. “He was hated every day at the WH, now he’s around people who like him.”

“Steve has even started a green juice regime and hired a trainer,” a Breitbart staffer said of Bannon’s recent plans to rebalance his life.


That’s right: Let’s relish the notion of Steve Bannon, whose liver failed so long ago that at this point the alcohol is being metabolized by his very flesh, such that the disgraced onetime advisor now has the pallor of an overgrown, gas-filled corpse, adopting a new lease on life. How better to get back at the Republican establishment that, like a human stomach violently excreting uncooked meat, expelled him back into the wastes of Breitbart? Thrill to the image of Bannon opening up the fridge and grabbing not, as muscle memory might dictate, a handful of human hair to wash back with rubbing alcohol, but a healthy blend of fresh fruits and vegetables.


We wish Bannon the best of luck on his new lifestyle, but to be honest, it will probably not counteract the physical ramifications of a lifetime spent maliciously enflaming racists, homophobes, and misogynists in a venal quest for raw power. That shit takes a real toll on the smile lines.

[via Daily Dot]


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