As a 700-year-old man, my love for Keanu Reeves can always be easily traced back to the first role I ever saw him in, and which made me decide he was America’s—nay, the world’s—finest thespian: Ted “Theodore” Logan in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. I was probably 8 years old when I first saw the movie, and it burned into my brain with the force of a thousand suns, or a single riff of Wyld Stallyns’ planet-altering hard rock, those two things being roughly equivalent. Seeing the amiably dimwitted Ted “whoa” his way through history, goofing around with famous faces from the past, and air-guitaring with abandon in response to just about any positive development in his life, no matter how minuscule, left me with a severe case of thinking deeply unintelligent stoners (the movie never shows them getting high, but let’s get real, here) are just about the awesomest people around. Reeves’ dedication to capturing the Platonic ideal of the guy who sat behind you in junior-year Spanish class, reading comics and occasionally asking if he could “take a quick peeparoo at your tarea, amigo” captured my imagination. It led to endless replaying of the soundtrack, quickly purchased from Sam Goody, and repeated efforts to talk like Ted, much to the dismay of my parents. Keanu Reeves has done a lot of very cool stuff, but the blissfully low-watt bulb of his wannabe rocker remains my northern star to the map of his career. [Alex McLevy]