Because ill-conceived celebrity clothing lines are the new black, Avril Lavigne is launching a new line of clothes at Kohl's this month. And she is just so excited about it. Just look at the black holes of eyeliner that represent her eyes: do you not see the enthusiasm shimmering there in the murky depths? Can you not hear the excitement in her voice as she rattles off a list of the mallrat accoutrements ("studs and skulls and plaid") that are a reflection of who she is? When she dons the purple zebra stripe hoodie that is her favorite, isn't it almost like she is cloaking herself in her passion? Can't you just feel the thrill of anticipation in her voice when she says "Consumers will be able to purchase the back-to-school items exclusively at Kohls"? When she says "consumers" isn't almost like she's reaching through your computer screen, grabbing you by the throat with her exasperated tone, and speaking directly to you?
I wish I were 15 again and also completely unaware of the existence of Hot Topic, just so I could marvel at the fresh, new design perspective of Avril Lavigne and wear neon green arm-warmers in public.